No seriously amongst the moments of blank emptiness on the train and general day I was considering a few things.. One most pertinent was me, yes i was wondering about me, and niggling at the back of my brain was the realisation of the silent promise to try and blog every day for a month, to get back in the flow of things. But where to start, primarily a “friend” or at least a person I know on Facebook who also immigrated and that i had sorta know in ZA, who is also male and also around my age/or me around his age, both of us being massively in our middle years. This brought me to consider how we and others react the changing of time and how we see our lives slip like grains of sand falling between our fingers and how each of us reacts differently, I suppose not unlike the way I have always been am prone to hideous bouts of depression, which i now know when then they arrive and know how to dispel them. this Bifurcates my thoughts into 2 distinct streams; one being do yourself a favour and watch hideous kinky it is a movie with Kate winslet which is fantastic and what is so uber cool are the naked scenes of her show a normal person, intermingled with a crazy as story behind it all; the second arm of the bifurcation is this other person who at this stage should be called Bob. bob is a nice dude, albeit a bit extreme.. but the real point being i see on Facebook he now has a new fiancé, I did not even know he was divorced? This is of course only symptomatic of society and how we live and interact with others, no SLATS not Systematics, that is something totally different. But on the second topic which is way more exiting to me that the prior I now belong to an group/like group or what the .. on Facebook for Coleopterists.. Boy i miss the exiting world of big, small and all things wonderful. I think that will simply Segway me into the next topic, which is what i have done over the last little while, One would imagine that sometimes I am manic, yes that I am.. But i have realised that is what and who and why I exist and what drives me forward every day, the need to see, do, understand and learn more and go and see and catch fishes and watch little brown beetles pollinating lupines on the river bank of the Rangitikei river at dusk (the photos are from the fishing trip i just did with the old dudes of the fishing club). Now after that a small photo essay with some of the things done and undone.
one of the few pics i took on the Rangitikei trip, I do
On being South African and being in another country, but again the debate is still out if i ever was south African or not? difficult question, and no I still don't have an answer about the question posed yesterday, and no i don't think i will have one tomorrow. But i do think that I am happier here, but sadder in the same breath. It is beyond a paradox within a paradox. I do think that the one element that the blogger from last week left out was that if you immigrate and you have friends with you it is awesome, but if you don't it is generally Kak and you need to re-evolve your self and reasons for living and slowly wash the reflection of the others you left behind off your mirror, even though they will always be part of you on the inside and who you really are, their context is spread thinly over these massive distances. It does not mean I do not miss them and what they meant/mean in my life, it just means I had to cut those sinews and let the muscles r-attach again, it is as if i was reborn again to a new world. It is beyond strange to be the stranger in the strangest land. But the solace you get is that there are many of us here, not just south Africans but all types and kinds. Many souties, and it is almost time for our strays and waifs Christmas party as hosted by the non Christians for the mostly non Christians.. this is of course the heathen land. But i return to my comments on Lara Africa, she is awesome, i made a comment on her blog and she responded and does so on all her comments and her poetry is pretty awesome, she seems like she would be an interesting person to meet in real life. This is way to much sentimentalism, and i suspect i am nearing my required number of words pushed to virtual paper for the day, you must know i am sacrificing coffee this morning to get these words in.. yes sideways.
this is really a nothing pic of me at the station this morning, trying to be more like a celebrity, I gather we need to be more aware of ourselves and do selfies all the time showing our people what we are doing, here i was sitting at the station KAK early in the morning and waiting for the train and for my people who never came, because although i was waiting for the train to Pretoria it never came. a tear welled up in side as I think of the briel sisters sitting on the train to Pretoria, but yea no i shall fear not because my phone and my internet shall comfort me with my brewing book as i wait, neigh pause on the journey of life at this insignificant station on the track of life.. OMG what a crock of shite flows through these fingers?
this is still so far from done, it has taken so long ……and it turned out to be more difficult than i imagined, there are certain things we can do and other things we cannot do, i suspect it is key to attempt mostly things you can do and then some that you cannot really do, this is one of them. It is a challenge. A good challenge, none the less we should move towards the light, oh crap is that the train. stupid joke sorry. But at times i do think we get into such a routine and do not remember who we are and who we want to be and why we did what we did to get where we are and why? we should also remember all of the things we complained about and wanted and want to change about ourselves and start changing them, day by day, word by word, less and less spelling mistakes by the day. We cannot change some things, as they are like the sun in the sky and blue and the grey and the white of the clouds and the wind and the rain. things are what they are. This item is attempting o change the fabric of reality by creating something that isn't, something that is not a part of me, but is something i see and experience from outside that i borrow from others. There are so many that are, i am not, but i respect those that are and this is a homage to them.
this is a picture of many levels, one being proof that it is possible to do something with some planning and determination. To most of you this is just a fish on someone else's extremity. But it represents a number of things. It is proof that we can change, proof that we can follow a recipe, proof that we have commitment, proof that we need determination, proof that we can visualise and be what we want to be and do what we set out. Yes this is just a fish, but rather a fish after work in the afternoon sun, than a backside on the couch watching crap TV. But as a diametrically opposite yet almost as appealing alternative a bum on the couch fondling a home brewed beer or mead.. now there is some thing which is also right. We need to set goals, we need to achieve things albeit small and fantastical.
Lest not forget about the bread which is life, which comes from the beer.
here we have the grans living for the beer, the birth of the germination signals the birth of the beer within a while, you will have to wait and see where this goes, for those not following on other streams, these were some wheat, barley and spelt grains that were germinated and malted and then toasted and roasted in the oven for the beer with frit, unlike the wine dying on the vine, the beer growing in the bowl, somehow can see why Jim Morrison struggled and chose the wine dying on the vine. John Barley Corn just doesn't have the same ring to it, maybe i would have to turn to something a little more agricultural like Jethro Tull, lest not forget which disambiguation you chose, both are agricultural at best. Which reminds me that maybe i need to spotify a little agricultural music today.
I leave you with this.. today I managed a meager 1670 odd words or so, self indulgent words none the less, but words they are and they are going towards my monthly total.
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