So whats in a life

So we (I) stand on the brink of a new life every blink of our (my) walking day, I walk forward as if covered with the ash of the burning life I leave behind. The flames burning brighter I hear the screams, but there is nothing I feel I can do but run like a living dog, the proud Lion stands behind burning with no tears in his eyes or regret.

daars niks nuuts onder die son nie
en in die skaduwee
brand Suid-Afrika

am I right am I wrong, I walk away from the life I knew the life I suspect is going to go up in flames.

What can stop it now?

landmyne van skuldgevoelens in 'n eenman-konsentrasiekamp 

Stepping Forward I leave it all behind, after reading the genocidewatch website today I fear I was both right and wrong to leave.

I suppose If one person can break down the wall, another can rebuild it? But it takes so many more people to rebuild what a few are breaking down on daily basis for personal and megalomaniacal purpose.

So where does that leave me.. In a quandary with a life to live elsewhere as a refugee, different to our Zimbabwian, Etheopian, Somalian and other African brethren scattered over the globe by human greed and violence.

So It leaves me standing naked without identity other than having no identity, which is no different from our time in Africa. we never own anything in Africa, everything is transient, life, property, money and time. It will return to nothing and build up again like the phoenix it is.

So us the wandering people of Africa and Europe, we packed our goods in the caravan and took to the road, we move again but not quite as far. Strangely we still have no heritage other than that implied where we come from. But there are so many of us who are neither pillar or post.

Back to reality; After we have now decided to move on and buy this hosue and start a new life again, it makes me think of a lot of things.. yes far to many for one succinct sentence.. Start in the middle..

How lucky we are to arive here with more than the clothes on our backs and more than a $100 like some of the Zimbabwian and other refugees we have met here in Kiwilandia. But most importantly I almost forgot where this was going. a few days ago I was sitting on the train in the morning with my train friends, now there is a strange phenomena to discuss later, and the one person who works for the rail service as a "mechanic"/"repair person" told us that he lives in a boat, it took a few moments to register until I realised he was normal and he lives in a boat at the marina and if he feels like it he just packs up the boat and moves to a new Marina .. insane a real life Boatie .. not to different from the travelers in their caravans and mobile homes.  But nonetheless intriguing...  so the point being is that we all have the ability to start over again and again.. and do things.. I suppose sometimes there is less times than others and it all comes down to how much energy you have to start over again and again ... some of us need more stability than others, some of us need physical things, some of us need location, some of us need a book. But there has to be something to root us.
You have to question then what is it that roots us to a location or an identity, is it the closes we wear, the hair styles, the location, the tattoo/s, the jewelery or silly dark horn rimmed glass or a hat.  we all need some form of tethering to this mortal coil even if it is nothing and the lack of nothing or the transience of our existence.

When we walk along the path of life we walk surrounded by those around us, we are a reflection of them as they are to us or the spaces we leave between them or them us.  We cannot forget, we cannot go forward without the past being there to push us along or act as a Drogue. Sometimes these anchors tend to act like rudders through the voyage of life.

The more things, people and places we see and experience the more radiant our personalities become, the places the people the books the images all reflect, we stand out like lanterns on a dark night. don't tread lightly into the night, shine forth and sprinkle your colour over the world he said.

So after all of this soon i will stand and chase  my chickens, stand and survey my postage stamp of a garden. Ready for the new day, week and year that lies ahead. somehow it seems less desperate in terms of certain thinsg, but in other ways life is far more frenetic here.. in an attempt to achieve things i never had time for before.. 1 down and a few hundred more to be done...

life as a moment

is life the string of moments we believe it to be, or is the moment a life and all we are is an endless continuum of events and lives.

So much changes over time, so much returns and becomes the same thing.

I sat driving and suddenly I felt at home, but the stark reality then hit home, I was at home, but it was not the home that I thought it was.

But we live the life we create or procrastinate for our selves, some things happen because we put them in action, others happen because we did not put them in action.

A day starts, we wake with, before or after the sun. Our life flickers like an image through time, momentarily we pause and cement some of these images and internalize them, at times we live life as a complex sequence of events.

So we sat and watched WOW (world of wearable art) on Sunday evening, now how would i have known that now I had ticked off something on my bucket list that I did not even know i should put there. Yes there is duplicity in this statement, but for different times we have different words and at other times we use the same words. This must rate as one of the most amazing spectacles that I have witnessed. It is a complete visual interplay, that touches on our emotions and senses.

So what does that mean, other than you should add it to your list of items, or shoudl you? who knows.. I must admit this was seen back to back on a "siniging" school where some friends of our's kids go to... what was striking about this event which was as contrasting as possible was that there are people out there with a heck of a lot of courage to attempt to sing the songs inside their heads, and even though the songs in their hearts, heads and ears is not the same as the ones we hear.. man they have conviction and guts and they can say they stood up and sanf don't cry for me argentina in front of an audience and no one wept.. which is in a way a sad thing for any number of reasons :-)

But it made me realize a whole lot of things, amoungst them was that I would have to create moments that add value for me.

But it brought me back to questioning what we do with our time and produce as individuals .. where should our motivation lie..

And how temporal and relative our lives are?