on the significance of f stuff

A flash from the recent or slightly longer than recent

I wrote this piece about 2-3 weeks ago and am debating if i will publish it?

< and yes am still wondering a few months later....
and pondering about some of the content
and waited and procrastinated >

And damn it is sentimental and out of my character, those who know will know that my mind took a holiday on its own .. left me to deal with reality and it sucks.. this was somewhere in the middle of all of it.

<>

Over time I have wondered what constitutes a friend and how do we measure them or should we even?
and how serious we take the little things in life?
that is being at a cross road in my life ..no dont panic .. not like that or like that or like that ..

< << just got me thinking again about things and stuff..
>>>


keep in mind that this was written well in the past just something .. that switched or should i say snapped in the fabric of my reality, maybe i should have gone through the purple veil and seen whats was on the other side... no not now.. then when i had chance how often do we have the chance to view the other side of the veil, for those who do not know what the purple curtain is you will have to ask?

<<<>>

back to, yet only briefly. I would like to thank those, I will not mention you in person, but out there for being friends.. Even though at times I assume that my aloofness and insanity drives people to absolute distraction :-? But honestly thanks to those which have made a difference.. even though most of you would not know when or why, that is in relation to my apparent ability to only communicate in gorilla speak




.. But how do we evaluate and or relate to our interactions with others and what value do the have to our lives, and even scarier for me is what influence or impact do i have on others lives?

<>

Now there is a horror thought at this point in the day. But enough of this sentimental crap down the nuts and bolts of our existence and the entry into the or through the purple curtain of existential existence onto the other side of our existence, and no this is not in all cases a spiritual venture into another realm, it could be it could well be a view into a micky dee's for all i know. what stands behind the curtain I personally have only had glimpses of the other side, more often than not through observation of others and situations and life it self. Is there in essence another side to life that we are not aware off, yes there is always another side, another way at looking at things .. but is it there? What is there standing waiting behind the curtains that hold the fabric of life and time together? Something, nothing the boogey man? It is there something we seek, something a lot of us seen in glimpses, visions of our mortality and life. how do we not pigeon hole our lives, I should have said Whole .. for more obvious reasons.. as this is the extent to which we constrain our lives, No please do not for a moment think that we shall all abondon that we we know and rush headlong into the throws of anarchism. But there is something else to all of our lives that remains hidden or constrained behind the rigours of the jail we create within ourselves to protect ourselves from the impacts of our daily existence. Things to strive for that we more oft or not put to the side because we are absorbed, consumed and paralyzed by the life we live for our selves, note you were expecting me to say create.. no we do not create our lives at best we surf on the frenetic catastrophic wave of stochasticsm that we call life, pretending to be in control of the small and bigger things, when we are such small players, well most of us in the path of the world, our lives and the universe. Yes there are those who quote the butterfly flapping its wings .. dman the sprinkler is on .. back in a flash .. yes the garden is now soaked.. i am sure to lose what iw as trying to ramble on about .. byt WTF oh well it took a few days to get back to this.. exactly a few to be exact .. once again thanks to those who matter it has been a trying time for me at a number of levels .. there have been challenges to my daily life, my mental state, missing loved ones and in general a wake up call in terms of what is important to me.. geez please stop me if i start sounding like oprah or dipak at worst .. but we do have to learn how to appreciate what we have and .. Myself have allowed myself to become obsessed in the dark recesses of my mind... and boy did i travel, which is both good and bad for me and those who know me, but at times i think we all need to go and investigate those places inside our minds, the outcome may not allways be positive, but it is part of what and who we are and it is things we need to deal with at some point.. and boy it tends to be traumatic for all thsoe involved or not involved :) some thanks from a long time ago firstly and foremost .. thanks for the flowers even if it appears that I am aloof I appreciate the gesture tremendously.. and the minimal time that you had available... and for the recipient of my insane emails .. thank you for being understanding .. yes this me me .. at my most confused .. well it was and of course thanks for putting up with all the crap at that point .. it was painfull for all involved at whatever level you were exposed. don't expect it in reality unfortunately my makeup does not allow for that form of social gesturing and those who have endured my endless messenging .. and then for those who only answer on the odd blog I appreciate it all.. But where this actually leads to I have no idea ..

< totally="" moderately="" field="" employ="" us="" reductionistically="" driven="" technique="" attempt="" give="" holistic="" value="" interpret="" work="" obsession="" with="" meta="" albeit="" very="" interesting="" perspective="" down="" evolutionary="" path="" terms="" information="" unrelated="" reading="" an="" article="" about="" 10="" worst="" ideas="" disasters="" happened="" verge="" amoungst="" them="" was="" one="" peve="" gps="" cellphones="" how="" thsi="" able="" see="" rider="" everyone="" then="" u="" wonderfull="" built="" rfid="" tag="" place="" already="" triangulating="" ourselves="" phone="" towers="" new="" dimension="" logging="" tracking="" humans="" potential="" impact="" could="" your="" privacy="" all="" will="" mean="" tele="" sms="" mms="" other="" forms="" marketing="" just="" wait="" till="" geocontextual="" spam="" ariving="" many="" general="" populace="" refer="" cos="" bulk="" intelegentia="" longer="" cell="" phones="" rather="" small="" portable="" multimedia="" devices="" that="" masquerade="" everything="" driving="" next="" point="" additional="" virtualization="" experience="" daily="" plotted="" monitored="" permanently="" connected="" social="" networking="" portals="" like="" facebook="" good="" bad="" knows="" it="" definitely="" has="" massivly="" dehumanising="" effect="" thsoe="" who="" partake="" in="" real="" time="" exposure="" their="" lives="" need="" internet="" on="" mobile="" have="" home="" pc="" s="" where="" no="" get="" me="" wrong="" am="" i="" feel="" line="" individual="" device="" seems="" merging="" form="" yes="" stage="" we="" do="" not="" fullfill="" classic="" definitions="" at="" end="" minds="" now="" being="" wired="" central="" consciousness="" adds="" yet="" detracts="" from="" our="" ability="" to="" be="" human="" even="" more="" creates="" much="" larger="" rift="" between="" is="" technically="" defined="" as="" first="" and="" third="" jsutr="" a="" thought="" out="" context="" what="" etirely="" delayed="" copy="" this="" current="" instantiation="" blog="" contains="" but="" these="" the="" ramblings="" of="" my="" which="" brings="" into="" question="" if="" they="" are="" open="" source="" or="">>

This is just another day in all of your lives .. this will be a fleeing moment in Text on a screen.. oh then also to my wife for worrying herself silly over the sms's I appreciate it ..

<<>>
If only i could be better at expression on a personal/ interpersonal level .. and yes to you .. the other persons/people appologies about the glib and senseless comments as to your midnight smsing to people .. we all have our crutches/crosses to bare ..:-) ROTFL .. we all do .. we have all had these moments in our lives.. ................ well it still needs to be told and appreciated in context. think back to more sensefull stuff that is in context to the way my mind works or appears to work .. I would strongly recomend two movies to watch for diametrically opposite reasons .. the one being black cat white cat .. AWESOME .. and then thanks To IJ for telling me that Watchmen is good to watch .. read the reviews .. was not exited. .. DAMN that is a Kewl comic move .. yes it is gruesome ... but watch it .. is real and raw .. but more back to some things I was thinking about a little while ago ... no the thoughts wont stop just a slight perspective shift ... but for now there is a chicken in the oven .. and food needed for hungry kids .. maybe i post tonight .. maybe not .. we will all have to wait and see .. ok done ..lost that thread .. will have to think a little more .. .. later on something else .. i have done the unspeakable .. i joined twitter .. the home of twits .. for work purposes no less .. But have been following lance of TDF .. interesting either an interesting dude or an amazing marketing machine? more in a while sorry this one is going to take long ... very long to finish back again .. only a handful of words to add.. so go forth and experience the world in its full glory for tomorrow things will be different.. <>

no i decided it is no good to retract anything I say ..cos thats life .. and either u knew or the randomness is just additive ...

more later .. this will be long and drawn out....

this is merely a glimpse of something that ran through my brain, in context out of context. I dont believe that we should ever let ourselves be consumed by society and our existence to any level that is detrimental to ourselves and those around us. Keeping in mind that this blog you have read is entirely disconnected pieces and flashes of moments and contains certain things said and the gaps in between portray much more that was not said and much that should have been said and told to others with or without qualification ( the qualification i speak of here encompasses almost all of the meanings u find in a dictionary)


now to re-read for a change and decide if this needs more qualification or less.. and if i will publish some of this or replace it with dots?

more on this subject later

<<< on some other unrelated things:

i must admit that i must partially retract something i said about gps's and slightly relating to google earth.. Google earth is an anomoly in this whole train of thought, on the one hand it demystifies a lot of the planet .. for example go and look at the nacza lines in south america.. something u would never be able to without this tool .. other than in pictures on websites or books .. but in other cases it takes the adventure away from us .. but it does make other things more accessible like looking for micro sand patches for tiger beetles .. but i must admit in some cases this humanizes our planet far to much .. it takes away the "dragons be there" imagination from us.. dunno will have to rethink this one.. maybe there are places we should not see .. and only stumble accross .. but it is to later to debate that now retrospectivly??? maybe i am only short sighted about GPS's but not sure about it?

and lastly for this tirade ... something more to contradict something i ahve said previously .. is what is the nature of the urban cowboy?are they real cowboys in a different paradigm? or are they a elevation of another archetype? This could be seen as a form of social evolution or devolution .. not sure .. the william gibsons and compatriots wrote them into folklore with the cyberpunk genre.. this may all be part of the new human ..
the cyborg or more accurately virtual cyborg with virtual links between keyboard and brain and mobile device? is that all that we are devolving into?
but who am i to comment on this commenting through some of the associated media .. this is all to convoluted and disturbing at far to many levels ;) ><>>

on the colelctive and the indivudal and the falicy

i was following the internet and news over the last few days and the whole strike issue reared its head again ..

made me think a little about the collective and the union and its eventual impact on the lives of those it supposed to be looking after. more esentially i was looking at the num etc etc strike which impacts almost every sphere of what is happening in the country at the moment .. the hi way development the now almost infamous gautrain the 2010 stadiums and and and ..

now i am sure they have point going on strike IMHO .. but how do we measure the impact of real crippling strike at the end of the day.. how much does that now actually benefit the person who is trying to get a better wage? No i do not know enough details about the strike to know whether or not the strike is justified.. But at the end of the day .. this sends massive ripples through our society.. what happens if we lose the 2010 because of something like this? what impact does that have on those Workers and the millions of others affected? is the collective greater than the immediate collective representing the individual within the collective have more importance than the global collective being the country? That is of course saying categorically that I am terrifically opposed to exploitation at all levels of business .. how many of us are sufferers of one or other form of exploitation.. contractors .. through labour brokers .. teachers etc etc ..
where do we draw the line .. how do we correct the Evils in this case of capitalism.. were people make there buck along the "value chain"? Who knows .. should we move to socialist society that creates a truly equal person? Can we ever hope for any form of principled capitalism? Who is more important at the end of the day? The doctor the politician the MD the CEO? who is actually the most important.. and what about callings like education, caregivers and nurses? Do we not all deserve an equal life, opportunity .. bla bla fish paste.. Or is actually a case of survival of the fittest for the human race.. where through the structures we build we eventually implode the entire system, is it ever possible on a country, regional global scale possible to have a society like this..

I doubt this? I suspect we are rather selecting for the evil, manipulative, caniving and the downright exploiter that will eventually destroy all of society, till the individual creates a collective to destroy the apparent evil and starts the cycle all over again .. eys this is an old thread taking us back to Velikovsky and the likes .. but that is just the way it is ...


back in a flash


well it took longer than i thought ..

but existential crisis's do ..

on an entirely different topic :

i think i am silly and this may be one of the last broadcast blogs for a while.

not in any way other than..

I am not going to post out the blogs anymore .. they will be available on a RSS feed so it will be a choice thing .. unless an email auto-copy is requested,,

thank you all for enduring my blog abd its sillyness but this will be the last in its current format ...

the rss feed is http://feeds.feedburner.com/GeneralRamblingsOnTheFlavourOfLife

for those who knw my email email me.. else just post a comment on the blog

adios

the sillyness now stops
it is time for a new leaf a new me ...

looking down the rabbit hole

on a more sinister note .. there has been another complaint about my spelling:-) oh well i will trie or should rather have been try?

who knows .. but the typing is fast and doesn't always come out so well formed...

but more on the rabbit hole..

what do we see when we look down the rabbit hole of life, or in another way the rabbi whole? we see what we want to see, often not seeing what is actually there. Is this a good or bad thing? I should not be the one to judge..

we often see things we shouldnt see, at times we see things that are there, or should i rather say inside us.. or in a place we perceive to be the reality, but that is rather a perversion of the truth. What grain of truth lies within these thoughts? How easily they can turn rom being a peacefull painted picture to a rapturous, dark and dreary place .. sometimes even filled with disparaging thoughts.. the question we have to ask subjectivly, note that we cannot really ever be totally objective is.. how true are those thoughts or rather stated.. are they a true reflection of what is actually going on in the world or our lives. The bulk of what we experience and the way we experience it is biased by the way we experience it. Can we ever be sure of what drives us or others around us to participate in what really happens? This may seem like a silly statement or rhetorical question.. but not really.. It brings me back again to a thread from some while ago where i questioned subjectivity objectivity and whole lot of other crap.. and something else.. We often stand tall looking into others lives and existences and throw a observational context onto their lives and intersect with ours. does this make us right or wrong, how often are we not clouded by our own inadequacies or granite slabs on our shoulders,, geez this sounding sillier and sillier by the minute.. But i am hopefully trying to get to a point in a moderately kidd gloved approach .. and yes it should have two d's cos that is the way i image the word to be..

To get back to a point that i know i previously have tried to articulate, but failed hopelessly in my attempt to translate random fleeting thoughts in my brain to electrons on the screen. But what makes for a good life, and how can we judge others and ourselves in contexts that are constantly shifting. I am skirting around the issue at a tremendous pace, looking for an entry position into what I am actually aiming at... silly i know..

But take a step back for a moment and consider how we, me, you, and all of us ( yes the comma is there 4 u2) perceive other people's lives in admiration, dastardly abjectness and pure horror. How we wish we could have part of what they have or in other cases would not wish it on our worst enemies. In Context I would like to stress that I have often looked at some others with an amazement at how close their lives live to the chaotic frontier of the universe and in other cases the absolute opposite. My question is of course can we actually judge people with seemingly insane penchants for the opposite ends of the continuum? I don't know, I really do not know at times how certain people who's lives cross mine are able to exist within the strict rigors of the pseudo western civilization/ de-civilization that we exist in. I find my self fighting my sense of objectivity or lack thereof.. and find myself looking at people and being amazed at the levels to which they are progressed in their apparent absurdness or directionality or lack of direction. But somehow that diversity of existence is paramount to the human condition.. that is IMHO only. In the same lines I see people living with extreme levels of irrationality and irresponsibility.. in my subjective framework of course, yet they appear to be living basically socially acceptable existences with many of the socially determined constructs and preconditions, yet at a micro level their is a disregard for the apparent rational or reasonable. I cannot fathom this condition at all... but who are we to cast a comment or judgment on others when our own existence is so fragile, how fragile the human condition actually is.

I hope you all appreciate the attempt to be slightly less moribund and self obsessed and darkly existential.. well I am trying to be in some way a little more positive or at least neutral on my perspectives of the human condition.

that is enough of my crap for a day or so..

although it was totally meaningless an fruitless it was at least an attempt at something less melodramatic ..

I will have to continue this at a slightly later stage when my thoughts are little cleared from their current internal haze..

looking down the perspectroscope

I sat wondering the same thought over and over and over which is rather strange to me.. not really knowing what this thought would bring ..

the smae thing that keeps popping into my brain, looking down the perspectroscope is it like looking down or through the whiskey glass? Pondering the future pondering the past we look for meaning through things that have been through things into the future like alice wondering through the looking glass?
what is it about the perspective of looking at our life and others that is just not letting go this time, as a preemptive i apologize for the self indulgent wallow in the same topic again, but i do feel it something that has to come out, but before i start on the journey rambling through the flavours of life i must reminisce about some things that have happened this week, and they of course may be the driver for some of the thoughts behind this endless rambling inside the enclave or inclines of your mind depending on which way you look at it?

But to start I was greeting one of the security guards, for some of my newer readers, the shortersec guard there at Teba, I greeted him goodbye and in the same way I was accustomed to greeting the others and the daily retort i have developed it was a standard greeting of goodbye and see you tomorrow to which he responded an utterance which held me fast in my step and even more in my brain, wrenching my brain out of the routine and straight into the rambling it continuously goes through... and geez i just spelled that right.. but it through my step, my soul and my existence.. he only replied " only God knows" and for those who know me the capitalization is important. It brought me back to phrase i have heard a thousand, maybe not , but many times that has a similar yet maybe not as powerfull implication and impact on me in the moment.. the standard muslem addage of God .. i can never remember the arabeic phrase .. but these both strike me as a perspective and view point on life that we in our western world miss.. not that I am implying it has anything to do with the belief or unbelief of God, a religeon or anything similar, but it is a rider and perspective on life that justifies the unknown the random, seemingly random event to be correct for all of those calvanists amounst us :-), but it is something whereby our daily existence is measured and the breaking of a new day is what it becasue it is what god wills, and that there is some for of existential stasis in their lives, that at least there is no point about worrying about tommorrow whereas our existence is driven by tomorrow and the importance and meanigfull justification and preparation for the day that follows and not just living today on merrits and what it presents to us, how we are bound by the preconceptions and details of our lives and what will happen tommorrow and how we must prepare for the future and for things to come, whereas there are a couple of my readers who will definitely live there lives in continous flow of experiential lifestyle where the days flow into the weeks and things change and time passes and life lives, whereas the bulk of us are caught in the worrying and perception of what the futire will hold fr us rather than foccusing on the current and present danger or life that is surrounding us, we plan we plot, yet how often do we gaze down the looking glass, seeing where life takes us, where ont he ebach nof life do we wash up as debris or flotsam, we are caught up in the panic and paralysis of life, missing life and not going forward and living one moment at a time,

on an entirely different note, most probably one of the bizarrest things happened to me, albeit a really small thing, i should have left the miustype as ting? but I went to the shops with my kidds and there when i returned i noticed soemthing small and red and shiny on the floor.. well not exactly after .. a little later when jens came past to pick up the coppper kettle .. which is another story altogether, but there under my car lay somethign that looked frighteningly like a chinese red shinny fish replica...

I looked past walked.. came back and was forced to look under the car, and lo and behold wht lay there a Goldfish, if i had been a believing man this would be sign of something? but more for another day.. there on the floor lay a living goldfish all battered and beaten.. not just a gold fish but a large goldfish? how wierd .. and it wasnt one of ours? enough ont hat for the moment ..
have to break this stream for a moment or two to make sandwiches for the kids ..

back again .. in flight of making the food..

bringing me bac to something more sinister and thoughtfull, what is it we see when we gaze down the looking glass, or more pertinant what is we see whislt we gaze down the whisky glass? do we see our future do we see our past, we for sure see something, do we see another reality, something we see ourselves in another perspective.. shifting and bending the reality that we know and experience all the time, we see and act in a way which is not consistent with our daily life, or for those really sad people, no that is not meant in a bad way .. that could be their reality and the lives they live is not, this of course is all of course being typed whilst i enjoy some well priced red wine out of tumbler.. you may say tumbler? but in my mind it seems more appropriate to drink wine out of a small conical tumbler than a wine glass .. who the frigin hell knows why .. but that is just the way it is... and that comes down to soem for of acceptanc eof the lives we live in relativity to thsoe around us .. our lives are so significantly different to the people around us, that is of course my self speaking in third person, I cannot speak to you or attest to your level of social homogonizastion .. who knows if that is a real word .. but if i use at least 100000 times all over the web and in other publ;ications there is of course a chance that it could become real .. that is the rule fo course.. are there rules to the life we live? who knows..

and how much life changes beneath your feet.. you can be standing still or running as fast as you want towards something, but life is bound to change beneath you, this is the only stasis and reality that we have. there are those o try to hold on for dear life on thoughts and moments in life, but it is bound to change, the longer we hold the larger our then spins into and insane cyclone of reality.. we cannot alter the reality of life, we can live it, we can exist, experience, but there is no way we can stop it.. it hurtles along in a direction unbeknownst to us, we can challenge and direct the general direction, but if the stochastity and for those calvanists predisposed direction of our lives is directed somewhere else .. then that is where it will go

more later .. reality now challenges my ability to challenge it .. food, children, life and dogs .. let it continue on its path.. where does it take me?