looking down the perspectroscope

I sat wondering the same thought over and over and over which is rather strange to me.. not really knowing what this thought would bring ..

the smae thing that keeps popping into my brain, looking down the perspectroscope is it like looking down or through the whiskey glass? Pondering the future pondering the past we look for meaning through things that have been through things into the future like alice wondering through the looking glass?
what is it about the perspective of looking at our life and others that is just not letting go this time, as a preemptive i apologize for the self indulgent wallow in the same topic again, but i do feel it something that has to come out, but before i start on the journey rambling through the flavours of life i must reminisce about some things that have happened this week, and they of course may be the driver for some of the thoughts behind this endless rambling inside the enclave or inclines of your mind depending on which way you look at it?

But to start I was greeting one of the security guards, for some of my newer readers, the shortersec guard there at Teba, I greeted him goodbye and in the same way I was accustomed to greeting the others and the daily retort i have developed it was a standard greeting of goodbye and see you tomorrow to which he responded an utterance which held me fast in my step and even more in my brain, wrenching my brain out of the routine and straight into the rambling it continuously goes through... and geez i just spelled that right.. but it through my step, my soul and my existence.. he only replied " only God knows" and for those who know me the capitalization is important. It brought me back to phrase i have heard a thousand, maybe not , but many times that has a similar yet maybe not as powerfull implication and impact on me in the moment.. the standard muslem addage of God .. i can never remember the arabeic phrase .. but these both strike me as a perspective and view point on life that we in our western world miss.. not that I am implying it has anything to do with the belief or unbelief of God, a religeon or anything similar, but it is a rider and perspective on life that justifies the unknown the random, seemingly random event to be correct for all of those calvanists amounst us :-), but it is something whereby our daily existence is measured and the breaking of a new day is what it becasue it is what god wills, and that there is some for of existential stasis in their lives, that at least there is no point about worrying about tommorrow whereas our existence is driven by tomorrow and the importance and meanigfull justification and preparation for the day that follows and not just living today on merrits and what it presents to us, how we are bound by the preconceptions and details of our lives and what will happen tommorrow and how we must prepare for the future and for things to come, whereas there are a couple of my readers who will definitely live there lives in continous flow of experiential lifestyle where the days flow into the weeks and things change and time passes and life lives, whereas the bulk of us are caught in the worrying and perception of what the futire will hold fr us rather than foccusing on the current and present danger or life that is surrounding us, we plan we plot, yet how often do we gaze down the looking glass, seeing where life takes us, where ont he ebach nof life do we wash up as debris or flotsam, we are caught up in the panic and paralysis of life, missing life and not going forward and living one moment at a time,

on an entirely different note, most probably one of the bizarrest things happened to me, albeit a really small thing, i should have left the miustype as ting? but I went to the shops with my kidds and there when i returned i noticed soemthing small and red and shiny on the floor.. well not exactly after .. a little later when jens came past to pick up the coppper kettle .. which is another story altogether, but there under my car lay somethign that looked frighteningly like a chinese red shinny fish replica...

I looked past walked.. came back and was forced to look under the car, and lo and behold wht lay there a Goldfish, if i had been a believing man this would be sign of something? but more for another day.. there on the floor lay a living goldfish all battered and beaten.. not just a gold fish but a large goldfish? how wierd .. and it wasnt one of ours? enough ont hat for the moment ..
have to break this stream for a moment or two to make sandwiches for the kids ..

back again .. in flight of making the food..

bringing me bac to something more sinister and thoughtfull, what is it we see when we gaze down the looking glass, or more pertinant what is we see whislt we gaze down the whisky glass? do we see our future do we see our past, we for sure see something, do we see another reality, something we see ourselves in another perspective.. shifting and bending the reality that we know and experience all the time, we see and act in a way which is not consistent with our daily life, or for those really sad people, no that is not meant in a bad way .. that could be their reality and the lives they live is not, this of course is all of course being typed whilst i enjoy some well priced red wine out of tumbler.. you may say tumbler? but in my mind it seems more appropriate to drink wine out of a small conical tumbler than a wine glass .. who the frigin hell knows why .. but that is just the way it is... and that comes down to soem for of acceptanc eof the lives we live in relativity to thsoe around us .. our lives are so significantly different to the people around us, that is of course my self speaking in third person, I cannot speak to you or attest to your level of social homogonizastion .. who knows if that is a real word .. but if i use at least 100000 times all over the web and in other publ;ications there is of course a chance that it could become real .. that is the rule fo course.. are there rules to the life we live? who knows..

and how much life changes beneath your feet.. you can be standing still or running as fast as you want towards something, but life is bound to change beneath you, this is the only stasis and reality that we have. there are those o try to hold on for dear life on thoughts and moments in life, but it is bound to change, the longer we hold the larger our then spins into and insane cyclone of reality.. we cannot alter the reality of life, we can live it, we can exist, experience, but there is no way we can stop it.. it hurtles along in a direction unbeknownst to us, we can challenge and direct the general direction, but if the stochastity and for those calvanists predisposed direction of our lives is directed somewhere else .. then that is where it will go

more later .. reality now challenges my ability to challenge it .. food, children, life and dogs .. let it continue on its path.. where does it take me?

bootstrapping and the perspectroscope

how effective is the bootstrap?

who knows .. but it appears to be working.. dragging my inner ramblings kicking and screaming clawing at the melodrama .. but it appears as if i have managed to surface from the inner self pity .. so are we on the path to recovery who knows .. but it feels better..

but back to the more prominent discussion on perspective and happiness....

how much can we deceive ourselves within our own self pity losing all perspective on the world around us and life in general.. one would imagine that there are those who through time have managed to pull themselves through this from situations imaginable to the bulk of us .. there were those in abject poverty and absolute reign of despots and tyrants have managed to see the silver lining through the dark clouds .. when the rest of the western world on a hole appears to have lost this ability on a whole. It may be due to the constant programming through pulp movie and fiction that we have lost the ability to actually live our lives.. what is the essence of our lives and how do we perceive things in accurate way and how often do we create our own self fulfilling prophecies which pull us into our own depths .. how much can we blame on society, how much can we blame on ourselves how much can we blame on the medias constant obsession to sell the most horrible and depressing news.. sadness and tragedy sells the news..
this is something i just cannot understand ... and how this self fulfilling prophetic babble influences our lives.. and how the death of a superstar .. yes he was a superstar can mould the entire news on a world wide basis? Yes we have sympathy .. but seriaaaas.. seeing it flashed all day on the cnn and cnbc channels in the tea area of my office just seems to highlight something to ponder over..
well more for me to ponder over and for you to all ponder .. WTF why does he think that crap ..

But the longer I am and the longer i ponder the more i realize that there is a distinct segregation in society especially into those who consider and ponder and evaluate their daily existence and the existence of those around them and those who are bound to the media and its representation of their lives. I cannot say that this a new thought or even mine .. it is just something that i am gaining more and more resonance with.. that the life and the world around is definitely split into Jungian or similar archetypes of personalities and motivations.. i see one of the guys at my Gym who is a very successful director of a huge telecoms organization .. no not that huge..more in the least cost routing side of things .. but they have been in the news .. and i see him .. going to gym and reading his blackberry all the way .. running that hamster wheel raggid .. we have and are all there at certain times of our lives..
bringing me back to some other observations over the last week or so about soem of the personalities that we have to do with on a daily basis people with amazing abilities and people with amazing abilities to deceive those around them and some who even go so far as deci4eving themselves in the process .. how 'we' as humans build elaborate houses of cards around our existences .. how we throw stones in glass houses .. people who build castles of sand into the sky building empires without and conception or perception of the influence or impacts of their actions being driven my some of the bassist egotistical motivations for existence and self justification..

but enough on that for now .. you may all now begin to have some notion that i may have some form of deep seated hatred for people in general which in general is not true .. it is just i standing there as an observer watching waiting looking at what people do and what i experience of it on a daily basis ..

more another day dudes and dudesses

perspective happiness and objectivity

I must admit over the last few days the melodrama has been rife in the internal ramblings of my mind.. I have been pondering a lot ..

two friends of ours have lost their houses and almost everything due to the turn in the economy.. me considering then that i should be happy due to the fact that i still have a lot and have lots to be happy for did not ward off a wave of deep seated chronic depression.. no worries it is passing.. but what i was feeling is merely a mirror of what a lot of people are thinking at this stage.. the hamster wheel is turning faster and faster and taking more of our time due to the insidious traffic and traveling the bulk of us are subjected to on a bidaily basis..

We have to question the value and context of our lives as a whole in this rapidly spiralling economy and lifestyle we are all forced to partake in.

But at the same time are caught in the juxtaposition of perspective, when us the lucky ones still have jobs and cars to travel to work .. well most of us..
when the bulk of our countries populace has to travel in overcrouded trains, busses and insane taxi's .. when all of us know people who are directly and indirectly affected by the insane financial meltdown and are losing so much.. but this just makes it ahrder for us to digest the reality of our personal situations..
when we should be gaining some solace in our own comfortable lifestyles..

Does it make us bad to question the quality of daily exsistence when there are so many with much less and harder lives..

Brings us back to perspective on life, how often we are drawn into our own mental enclaves where we wallow in our own personal crisises and feel sorry for ourselves.. well maybe not all of you.. many of you may be able to remain in more chearfull demeaner .. Bringing me back to my previous questions on objectivity and subjectivity.. is it ever possible.. are we ever able to be totally objective about the thing closest to us .. our lives.. it is so much easier to look ouside viewing the world through the scope and view everything around us and view the abject poverty crime and unhappiness and suffering and in total humaness not be able to view our lives in context to this, Is this possibly becasue this outside of our real context.. how absoloute are our lives, how much do we live within or without society..

onto more cheerfull things .. USA beat spain in the soccer .. strange how a super power can be viewed as an underdog with a different perspective on life ..? very strange the way we rationalize things? now only for bafana bafana to overcome the brazillians? is this in any way possible who knows..
this lead me to a discussion I had to day with some of the people i work with .. and we questioned if we are actually a nation of chokers or not? Does our society breed a nation of people who can see it all the way to the end of a struggle? we have fantastic fight, often giving up at the finish line.. just not being able to cross the finishing line.. tripping at the last step.

But other than that so where to now .. how do we bootstrap ourselves into happiness. is it possible...

maybe with a healthy dose of objectivity in its truest sense and a conserted effort to overcome our internal deamons we should be able to have a more focussed and possitive outlook on life .. but maybe not.. maybe those 'clever' brain shrinkers and their associates are all right and it is all about chemicals.. how often or not there are those who think and those who dont ..
what does this difference mean? who knows .. i am not thinking now :-)

on a sane note.. if in anyway ever possible can we forge forward into the darkness seeking light where there is apparently none?

by clear reference and perspective on what we have and what we ahve achieved sic! what ever that means itis possible to destroy those feelings of unhappiness and self pity and convert them back into an enthusiasm and movement forwards .. starting to sound a bit like a deepak chopra lecture .. now that is Sad..

I m just considering where to now .. no not at any level other than my mind .. our mind is the vesel life creates the chemical journey that we experience, augmented by the fine wine dying on the vine .. or in a more socially sensitive way .. or politically correct or whatever ..

And to all those sceptics and evil others no .. this is not a MLC .. :-)\\

but just a seasonal deep introspective retrospective subjective existential crisis :-)

Later dudes
and dudedesses

Order out of chaos and the tale of the … comma and proto-autoretroscope

How do we equate the search of order from chaos with any level of rationality, they appear to be inherently contradictory? Is it possible through artificial manipulation to convert a system in a chaotic state back into some form of stasis? At what level can we play god and recover things to a level of apparent homeostasis whilst things spin so inevitably out of control in the world around us. How much of the chaos has been derived from our human behaviour to try and understand, map manipulate and describe those systems? Or is it from the lack of understanding that we have this apparent stochastism or anti order or even chaos. Is it through an absoloute lack of understanding or due to too little understanding? The question that begs to be answered is if systems tend to a level of stability over time or to instability, both in the natural and the human derivation and or the construct we now call humanity? What ability do we have to manipulate the contribution of entities within an amalgam of entities? I think we can extrapolate this to natural, human, agricultural, cultural, and all possible systems. I think at systems levels the tinkering and messing about definitely increases the inherent stochasticy or chaos as we perceive it. From the little I remember from the ecology I dabbled with somewhere in the time of Noah it seemed a lot to me that the stability of a system is often dependent of the multiplication of actions from each of the different entities, often the greater the number of entities the higher the stability. Some of the simpler analogies show the fox and the rabbit population dynamics and an example or premise of this process, attempting to reduce all of this stability and interactibility into simple, or complex, mathematics, yet always reducing things down to their smallest grain. Is this exploration of the individual or measure thereof often not the undoing of the understanding, or at least the parameterization of the impact or effect of the individual’s entity within a system. We often as humans make the mistake in trying to control each of these interactions, as a simple example we go to the old woman who swallowed a fly and lands up killing herself by having to swallow a large bovine beast ;-). In Agriculture I think we play this game really strongly, substituting natural processes with augmented processes and treating it by viewing it all through a retrospectoscope… In stock markets we do a very similar thing, we pre-empt the future with visions from the past, drawing correlations and deductions from things that happened in the past without ever considering what other possible permutations may have resulted in these anomalies, or normalities as most of our cleverer mathematicians or actuaries do. But through this and the understanding/lack thereof make decisions and create trends through the actions they have applied either on purpose or by accident. Often these choices are done not with the eventual stability of the environment at heart and we treat the environment around us as if we are natural disasters, the hand of God. But this is all a lesson we must learn in getting to grips with the world around us. In the same vain I wonder a lot about the diversity of people and processes and ecology, how much can we dictate the inherent homogeneity or heterogeneity of the system. We plant huge tracts of land full of the same plant not expecting the flow of the system to take any strain. We attempt to homogonise the human race through the great meat blender of western civilization, communism, socialism what ever the flavour of the day is. Does it make more sense to have highly heterogenous societies brought together from many different origins and types. Or should we be homogonous or apparently like some of the larger “super” powers.. What dictates stability within the human race, is it the similarity or is it the diversity within, why can we not learn lessons from those around us. It is difficult to quantify the effect of homogenising cultures or not?
Just got interrupted here for a few days and have totally lost my own thread there 
But on the whole I wonder how much the homogeonizing of our cultures benefits or deteracts from their ability to move forwards? In certain cases the mingling of cultures definitely appears to enhance through the cross pollination? But I wonder what effect large moulding and conforming of societies do? A point in case are America and China? Do we benefit from the larger numbers of similarily thinking people? Does this generate new thought and improve the human condition or does it have the effect of dumbing people down? Difficult to decide….

But on a more ominous note, I went to a presentation recently where the title of the talk was about the flat earth and the shrinking planet. The long and short of the entire thing is the level to which things are going to go in terms of information…. The larger mega it vendors especially the data management vendors appear to be moving into a world were everything is documented and tracked through our every movement with RFID tags and cross referencing of our every action for marketing and behavioural modeling and augmentation.. It is a very scary thought that they will soon be plotting our every move and our future moves and trends .. it seems like large scale dehumanization in the name of technology and advance.

But who am I to be a soothsayer of the things to come … I just found this very scary.. To think that we are now really on the brink of a big brother society.. The astronomical growth of data is also becoming a real concern, it appears that we are doubling the amount of structured and even more so unstructured data at a rate beyond our own comprehension. I feel that at a point there will be some much information around us controlling everything to such a level that we will merely be cogs with a purpose and no humanity. Not that we are not cogs already.. we will become real controlled cogs, being told it would be best to do this and that and the next thing … insane .. and one of the most insane new technologies we were introduced to was concepts of analyzing streams of data in flight .. so that descisions can be made


Part # 37: The episode on the twits, men behaving like they shouldn’t and more insights on stuff.. and generations of the alphabet

Was carefully minding my own business this morning in gym.. just watching the people in the gym.. thinking quietly to my self and the one dude mentions to me .,. why am I being to quiet .. little did he know.. so I wound my self yup and sprouted that .. yes it was true that I was being rather quiet .. but that did not really mean I was not thinking a whole lot .. he then got the brunt of a verbal barrage ..
I then went straight to the point and mentioned that I had been considering whether or not it would be in inpolite/untactful/rude to ask him why he was weathings mens perfume .. and not that I thought this was specifically wrong, but rather that I found this rather silly.. and attempting to difuse this by mention of generation Y and him being part of it .. and a little on self entitlement .. and generation X, baby boomers and and .. not that this made it any better .. but that is life .. he chose a bad time to ask me about something ..

But this alphabet generation thing .. is quite interesting .. gen x,y, baby boomers, yuppies etc etc .. all this categorization name giving for times in our cultural .. or should I rather say a-cul;tural history ..


Part # 24 The retroscope, the autorestroscope and the preemptive autoretroscope and the myth of objectivity

To continue on some other rambling before this .. maybe a brief explanation of the retroscope TM (Slats Naair Circa 21st century unpublished works). The retroscope is something akin to the 20-20 vision delivered by hindsight.. Yes it is much easier, or at least we think so, to view our past with a certain level of clarity and (as)surance that whilst looking into our past we can very clearly define and clarify some of lifes decisions and choices and deliver some verdict on this… This is why I have included a few aberrations of this terminology .. I think the prior descripotion should be altered to the autoretroscope .. which implies self referencing view of the passed where we view our passed with an apparent level of objectivity without any bias or subjectivity we think.. In it’s purest form the retroscope is a view which is unbiased and manages to view the past without bias or …. Cannot remember the word .. but the theory is that it is a purely neutral view of the past and it’s implications, actions and what should have been could have been etc etc ..
But I do think that we more often that not apply the autoretroscope which is a self referenceing and fulfilling view of the past where we view the past and its events thorugh a distinctly rose coloured window pane, from which we have not wiped the steam and grime and dust.. This retroscope is not something which is specifically objective, but often a self satisfying view of the apst as we wished to have seen it .. factors, incidents and events are changed to protect the innocent  as before I do not think it is within our power to actually be objective .. life is about the subjectivity of living.. And I do not think that it is possible to be objective.. Is life not based on the subjective experience rather than the objective one? WE are by nature subjective beings .. I am slowly but surely wonder if objectivity is not but a myth that humans .. or more exactly scientists have generated,, which may incertain circumstances be termed as the pre-autoretroscope .. the view that we are objectively viewing the present and future as if through a retroscope, which is already an autoretroscope .. just a thought .. is our objectivity not just a finely tuned subjective view that draws on the subjectivity of others peoples retroscopes. When cammus viewed himself in an emotionless state in the outsider and other books.. He views life with a clinical introspective view on life.. Not a view of sadness, not a a view of regret just an outsider viewing in.. there are many others who have said similar things… are the mystics, soothsayers, shamans, witchdoctors, and church ministers just proto-retroscope disseminators .. giving us a view of the possible mingling with the past, the future and the unknown? More on this another time..


Part # 117: The tale of the fishpond, the polycuture and the perfect aquaculture system

This is a dream.. not to sure if it is at all a current practicality :-0 After some serious levels of testing and attempting to implement this we surge along .. more a bout this another day ..


I must appologise .. I could not post due to serious technical issues … network nazi’s broken 3g cards ?

on something and nothing

on something and nothing

i wonder a lot

sometimes i thinkt o much i suppose there is to much to worry and wonder about, where i should rather be wondering about thing about me .. all in the samantics we say .. the wonder and happiness and sadness grief and anxiety around us drives us forward like tsunami on a good day on others we lay still like boat stuck in the middle of doldrums ..

yes there are spans of half finished blogs sitting on my laptop at work .. why .. procrastination // no maybe rather the quest for perfection .. maybe not perfection, but rather incomplete fragments of thoughts that for some or other reason i never get to complete .. beit time, anxiety confussion or what..
but on a lighter note it is the rugby this weekend.. the ipl has passed .. the soccer comes..
man u lost .. who the hell actually gives a damn .. well a lot of people it appears ..

that is something for another day

something small

appologies for the delays, but there is a bumper edition on my laptop in waiting ..

but something that struck me strongly this eve was that .. yes wait for it ..
it is not the actual destination of the journey that really matters, but rather that we are on the journey and that we are going somewhere .. it is the slow stagnation of our brains that is the rot that feeds on us from the inside..
we cannot say that we are alive if we do not travel in body, mind or spirit most of us never leave the couch inside our heads let alone the couch inside our house, office or car.

is the escape of the body or the mind of more or less importance? difficult to say, but all that i can itterate is that we have to take this leap of ... I wanted to say faith, but this is not a leap of faith rather a journey to within or without.. somewhere to go to in our minds and our lives.. rather than crawling around in the dark recesses of our pity and melodrama .. life is only what we live of it .. it might seem like a misspellingism .. no it isnt that is what I meant to say .. bla bla fish paste .. But where we live is where we are albeit in our minds, our experiences our expressions of life.
I had a lot to say in my long and bumper edition but caught up in slef doubt and concern, not being able to commit to the word and releasing the xpressions of arbness flow from within and pur into the withoutwards .
to slightly more serious note I was thinking about things that motivate me, or should motivate me o did motivate me or whatever.. things that bring the expression to life within my existence.. be it a picture a photo a moment and expression.. and within my withdrawness I have SUFFERED my own self pitty and have given into it and slowly and surely just given into the nothingness and void of living.. why you may ask? rather say dont ask me ask yourself cos it is you, not me inside you that is hindering and stopping your own expression.. my life and expression is of little consequence within yours.. albeit as a periferal anomaly or aberance.. but ther are those who do have an effect those who do have an impact and it is those that we have to look out for and appreciate . and appreciate the moments that we ahve and enjoy life as much as we can within the deep recesses of our minds and the jails we build for oursleves within the confines of the wrld and society, we, me, you may or amy not fight against being part of..note the implied ambivoilabnce there .. you can choose :-)

no on a more serious note .. my heartfelt appology to certain of ou who actually gave a DAM and read this and did not Cry :-) no seriously I was under the impression that no one of consequence read this till soemone mentioned that they did .. and then that drove meeven further into a spiral of emptiness an doubt within the word space in brtain.. stoppping the words from flowing from the part within me .. but seriaaas ..t here were things over the last while that have inspired me beyond belief.. more on that another time .. things that have dismayed me more often than not the entire human race and its insane penchant for self destruction .. and of course the rest of all the shit ..

but let it be know that this will at least now return to normality in that i will spurt more or less crap \


but back to essence of where this began and the bread.. and the life within.. I was baking the other day .. yes no not just sitting in the sun whilst the life steamed out from my ears int eh sun .. no actually gave it some thought and experimented with some new breads... and to my happiness and dismay the bread was good yet not at all waht i ahd expected.. those damn yanks really dont know anything about making real bread .. but it sure tastes fine ... made soem or toerh american breadie thingie with eggs in .... ineteresting is all that i can say ...

but nice ..

but as they say enough is enough and i have to go

adios

and if you get chance whatch fanboys .. that is if you enjoy the kevin smith jeanre no frigin idea how to even spell that word at this stage of my brain .. but it is really not to bad .. silly but nice with a flavour of the force for all those star wars fanatics with a healthy dose of anti-trekkiedom with a really neat cameo by william shatner as himself .. that man is a legend .. ahve you ehard him sing ... now there is someone with goedspa :-_) and his role in boston lega l .. awesome :-)

adios china's

an ode to a lost humanity

as i sit here alone filled with melancholy
i ponder on about time and things passing
i wonder of world passing through time
things have changed
time changes everything
i wonder as life it passes
we grow we change we ponder
life continues on its inevitable passage through childhood, puberty and adulthood
the earth it follows, its cries screaming out
why it screams why it screams

the answer hangs in the air think and dank with an amber fading light
existence, humanity it cries
why why why
we torture the world around us, ignoring the screams
are we deaf, can we not hear the world crying around us
the pain, the tears, the dust, the smoke
a society in flames and tears
why i ask
why
the human nature
why have we lost our touch with nature, humanity and those around us
a tear wells up inside me
tears for lives, and nature gone
what for a piece of paper
paper representing that which we deem as wealth
why
is it that important
we lose our touch we lose our existence, yet we plod along as humans, why the tears of our run deep furrows into its dry and cracking skin..
why I ask
Why
..................

an appology

even to me my miss spelling and chaotic verboseness has reached a new level.. that is after reading my recent blog .. which i seldom do ..

But it is in an attempt to cement that which is flowing through my brain in moments, sub moments of time into words that cannot or will not easily be expressed ...

sometimes i wonder if ... actually i am not sure what i wonder about .. lonesome wandering through the parts of my brain known and unknown even to me. the thoughts .. where they come from i have no idea.. why i write them .. well because this way you have to listen without showing boredom or confusion.. no that is a reality .. in the existence i experience as my own .. albeit a self referencing one .. things are a cloud of inner doubt and moment by moment experience of the world around us... i suspect that most of us battle to comprehend the amount of information entering our brains each moment of the day wishing for some solace and peace from the maddening croud .. sounding more and more simple as i plough throught the words eminating from the fingers of my hand .. the extension of my sould that is visible to a select fiewl, not by choice, but more likely by random observation or alocation...

on a more lucid view of these times in chaos .. i have little more to offer than they are .... times are random, time is fleeting ... i cannot get a hold of it .. is it possibel that we as a human race are losign a grip on reality .. no not that this is something new.. we are now moving into a new ground or at least i belive so.. there are those who belive otherwise .. that this merely a phase thatw e as a human race have been through before.. nothing new nothing different .. just a different manifestation of the human races ability to rock the boat .. punch holes in the hull of life.. slowley the waers of life invade our existence, note nothat punching a hole in the hull of life we lose life, we are letting life in.. and life, living and existence is chaotic.. are we just opening pandora's box again.. .. yes we are doing it to ourselves .. maybe there are to many people on this ship to many views.. to many things .. all these conflicting views .. metling into a pot like never before.. in the past geographic speration time differences, language differences and the likes kept us apart and killed us .. now slowly or rapidly depending on your frame of reference as we melt together int his mixing pot , all the good.the bad, the unknow we cannot even begin to predict the outcome of what to expect .. the number of intractions increase per second, the stochasticy of life starts to grow and develop into thebeast with many heards fighting with itself, the end is neigh .. or is it just the beging of a new phase .. what do we have to endure to go through this pahase in our human existance ... more sadness dismay, happiness, unending life .. countries at war people at war, idealisms.... nothing new .. al as old as the sun .. is it merely yhe elvel of observance .. and like I mmentioned before does the chaos increase or decrease with the increase of observance of the human existence and the increase in observants? or situations being observed.. are we testing the limits of what can and cannot be experienced, observed and controlled.. how long before we spin away .. thrown intot he chaos we as a human race have created turning back to most banal and primitive ways of survival ... llok at our worldin chaos .. financial systems imploding due the fact that they as a premise had not premise at all but were only a construct of those who built and profited out of them .. how could things become so bstract on the one hand .. and so simple ont he other hand .. life is no becoming more real and more of a challenge .. food crises brought on by the nature of futures, profit, greed and insanity ...

where does it stop .. where did it start .. are we acountable for what happens .. does it make a difference when we make a difference, what is the critical mass to make a change ..
the one thing that ahs allways worried me about the critical amss of change is the speed at which we live our lives and experience them.. things happen.. how long is it before what happened hasbeen clouded in a maize and smoke cloud of life around us .. 9/11 ... not that that is without its doubt .. is almost forgotten ? yet int eh same vein poppy day is not .. the relative importance and volumes of day to day information that we are being bombarded with tends to skew our perspectives.. disregarding the smokescreens of marketing being fed to us by the goverments of countries that we as a people sic! have voted for ... why is no goverement accountable to their people for their deeds? and not this is not a stab at our goverement .. but all goverments.. the lies .. the deceit .. the "protection" they deem is neccesary in their descision in what to tell us .. does global warming exist as a manifestation fo the human race .. or is it merely a cycle of this wonderfull planet we live on .. is it neccesary to polute the waters of our rivers .. not it isnt .. but isnt it neccesary to stop people doing this .... yes .. but why in name of humanity do we allow it .. i realize that us as people .. as individuals have a difficult time doing anythign about anything .. without being spewt underthe carpet of growth equality and capitalism or marxism .. no matter which way you look at it .. there has to be some jsutification for the actions of the human race sa a whole ..

i ask you with proverbial tears in my eyes .. why is it that humans do what they do......

and NO THIS IS NOT AN EXCUSE to find an escape from your role in the existance of the human race.. it is your kick up the but to work out how we can change the world....

on the nothingness and randomness of our lives

i must apologise to my few regular readers, I have been slack .. though my mind has been wondering through the rambles of life, like vines they have been crowding my thoughts, pulling at the strings of my existence, waiting to expose themselves.. like a beer bottle dropped on the floor ready to explode my thoughts have been bubling from within waiting to expose themselves.. yet the inspiration was lacking, maybe not lacking but the application thereof was missing.. why i cannot say .. but it was..

on a more personal note, my life, well the life i live in my head has been spinnging round like a merrygoround .. Not fear not .. not the wellings of absoloute dispear, the darkness of chronic depression that can at times fill my mind with unending dispear.. no but a fealing un unrest .. a feeling of anxiety unbeknownst to me ..

i must admit in this turbulent time of dispear in the world.. this ahs even perpetuated its way into myn daily life .. goddammit .. i bought some bread the other day .. not as apart of a larger insane shop .. but rather as a purchase on its own .. and a loaf of bread has soared to R10 a loaf .. when did this happen ...

this piece below was a piece i started writing .. but could not complete ..

Why is it that life inevitably throws confusion and randomness into the path of our inevitable existence? That things will and wont be as we expect them. things are totally predictable for moments and then crumble into change and our compass shows us a new path into the unknown. or not?
what am i rambling about ... maybe the general discontent of being a human.. the challenges we face on a daily basis ..

this may have been in the midst of some serious dispear about the state of the universe in my mind.

I find my mind wanders again .. id dont seem to be able to containt hat which i am feeling and convert it to words.. a strange sensation, my mind i jumping two and fro..

must i must confess that one of the only, not only I exagurate, constants at this time in our lives is the change, all we can be asured off is change. My view from my position of observance of thsoe around me only hightens the sensation of impending chaos trying to manifest it self in any which way it can. Arround me, the signs of chaos, panic and fear are resonating in peoples behaviour... here i will attempt to protect the innocent and guilty by notmention their names or even a reference to who they are ... But holy makrell things are getting wierd out there ..

what does the future hold for us, now int he short term, the medium and least alone the future, what is the point on the horizon .. i lost my words there.. where is the interface to the continium of time going to.. things seem to be becomming more chaotic and random by the minute, time flies as if it is on speed. I notice anxiety creepign into those arround me a frenetic panic to find meaning in existance, their own, others and in general the world around us. I hear stories of gloom and doom all around me, hoping o find some element or glimmer of hope peeking its head out of the grey of our existence. it is as if things are flyying by at a rate that none of us can comprihend... Is it possible for us to slow things down any more.. there are moments where i can appreciate the moment the serenity and the expresiion of now and the moment and not the flurry and insane continium of chaotic and random existence.. when you may ask? but hese moments of sloace are mine and mine alone, as soon as an observer motions into thsoe moments and views what it is i am experiencing i fear that schroedingers cat i may just implode into an unending continium of choice and expectation.. where the observer cements my future without my ability to transend the effect of the observer, what happens when the observer si the one being observed,, what happens then what happens to initial observation does it spin into an infinte chaotic and random milleu of possibilities within the observers reference or beyond to that of the pobserver observing the observer... doethis level of multiple levels of observance lead us to an infnite level of possibilities outside of our frame of reference ... is this when the proverbial wheels fall fo the bus.. is this when the fat lady sings like a nightingale or like a RB artist or even like an angry young soul.. bleating out the words of insanity, expressing the turmoil and insanity of our esxistence..

why I ask you again, as i am sure i have asked before .. not neccessarily in my random ramblings through the eyes of life through the portal into my soul.. do people do what they do .. what drives people to put away decency, put away inegrity, put away honesty put away their souls ... an not even in a spiritual sense to embark on moments of fleeting insanity .. i know this may seem random and chaotic and not really getting to point .. but this is just a random vent at people in general all encompassing more than a a few thousand words of observational garbage in my brain ..

but back to the observer ... does the cat stay alive or in state of stasis when he, it, her or the nothingness is not aware of the observer? or if ithe observer is an accidental observer ? does this change the outcome of the incident or future ..


geez i am spouting crap .. but you have to excuse me from my long layoff .. itahs beens ome time .. and it may take some time o be able to transferr the words to electrons to the internet .. i am finding the words are flowing faster than the fingers can type .. thoughts are pulsing through my brain, concepts.,. faster than i can type leatalone cemment themto screen..

but i promise a more lucid view of the world tomorrow .. albeit a brief one ..

as a note for my newer readers

Yes there are spelling mistakes, grammar mistakes and often this wont make sense to me when i re-read it.. sometimes it will.. but this is done in an attempt to capture the stream of conscious transition from mind to electronic paper and not the clarification, purification of distillation of my mind but to rather expose a slice of my thoughts in as rational as possible way for something that is often less than rational.

stiffling paralysis of the mind and displacement anxiety

Ok so i may have been hasty in my notification in change in bloggerization.

This is something that suddenly struck me whilst walking through my mostly incomplete vegetable garden.. not that it could ever be complete because it is constantly evolving. But it does have some eventual goals, not to be anthropomorphizing an biological entity, to be able to feed us almost completely. It brings to me to the question of how and why we do or dont achieve tasks at hand. You may ask? We all suffer from varying levels of procrastination.. yes I am trying to use bigger words.. maybe it makes the Blob a little more readable? or not.
But how many of us never really achieve that which we really ever set out to. Is it ever really possible to achieve everything we set out to do. In certain circumstances or aspects of our lives we seem to manage.. in others we dont. Why i would not be able to say. But it does lead me to the question if there are healthy levels of procrastination, and if they do not allow organic growth of the things we try to achieve on a daily, weekly or lifetime. I have friends who vary from the insanely achieveable to those which never achieve. I see my self somewhere floating from one extreme to the other. Some days I think we manage to achieve mountains other days we manage to do nothing, some months , some years. My question is however what it is that creates that internal paralysis that holds us back from achieveing things well within our grasp? why is it that the paralysis grips us so tight that we cannot even move a step forward. Is it that we can liken this to a form of mental yuppie flu.. is it that we live in a society where time and motion is at such a rate that we are living our lives, but rather intercepting fleeting moments where we touch base and do things, where the rest of the time we are being carried along by the momentum of the society we are part of. I have a theory that most of the unlucky ones like my self suffer from a syndrome, I would like to call "displacement anxiety".. and I believe we cannot actually survive it.. wEll there are some of us. maybe I should step back and explain my self. I think, believe, rationlize or just downright have feeling that we as biological beings cannot travel fast in cars, planes or other forms of accelerated transport becasue we cannot process all the information comming into our brains and I think that this must generate massive levels of undue panic, stress and crisis. I might be wrong.. but it is what i have thought about for quite some time. I think that we can only travel at certain speeds, that our brains can activly process all the external information comming into our Brains, after which we strat etting some for information overload, furthermore I have a train of throught that also thinks that we cannot actually travel further than a specific distance in a day without suffering displacement anxiety. that is that our sub conscious cannot actually deal with the fact that we have travelled so far. Dont get me wrong there are those who it will not affect for a number of reasons, there are those who are natural adventurers who seek to travel and journey to new places and the anxiety does not touch them, there are those who dont notice, but I do belive there are a lot of people whos minds just cannnot process the illogicallity of the massive distances that our bodies have moved from where started off.. And especially when we move from one ecotype/ biome/ vegetation type/ physical environment to another. I do think that many people dont suffer this as they mnight not notice it, but those who have as a part of their security blanket the environment arround them, the familiar, the hosues the trees the hills cannot be thrust into wide open spaces becasue the transition is to sudden, we have sudden breakdown of our inate survival sub conscious behavioural observation. In an attempt to sruvive we take note of our surroundings and environment and cannot function in others. This comes back to a simple iological theory which splits animals into a number of categories, and we as humans seem to be able to transed a single species view of this, as we have fairly diverse and different memes within our single species. there are those who live in ever changing environments, there are those which live in perfect complex environments which are ideal, then there are those who live in verh harsh unchanging environments. These internal meme representations all determine to which level we suffer displacement anxiety.

But to get back to the ability to break free from the paralysis of procrastination and move to the ability to achieve, how to do I must say i do not knwo, but all i know is that we all get caught up in it.

another really random ramble for those who read this..

new policy

I

have decided that i might change my blog soon to something a little more or less depressing .. but i cannot really decide .. I may be indecisive .. but I am not sure yet ..

on a more serious note .. it will change

happiness and sadness

please note this may contain disturbing scenes and carries a PG rating...

What defines these two sides of the coin, neurons rushing through our brain?
real events or stimuli?
Not that I think to little about it.. But what is it that changes these states.. Some I know insist it is chemical, others seem to think it is the mind, others even attribute it to a sense of knowing or acceptance of the universe through a portal of belief systems or participation in some form of activity. Not sure i can even begin to decipher what the secret is sic! :-)
But this is something we are all apparently inextricably consumed with. Does this relate to a sense of being or placement in the milieu we call living. what excuses do we make, what costs are there to our happiness.. when does the happiness out way the cost or the cost the happiness. I am not sure i can even begin to debate this, It is a catch 22 situation or atleast I have been told so or have heard so from the endless drone of those around me mumbling or talking about their lives, I am in no way judging or casting a stone but only making observations on the life I live.. you all know where the unsubscribe button is .. generally it is as simple as deleting the drivel in your email client or closing the page in your browser .. that is if any one takes the time to even read this .. I may as well be writing this in the sand waiting for the wind or the rain to move the words as fast as they were placed into the medium. dont get me wrong this is altruism at its best .. ten to one it is some form or reciprical altruism or something of the like .. maybe just like pissing into the snow. But I do ask my self this question on a daily basis .. what is it that keeps me or stops me from being happy.. and to get to the point of defining what is happy and what is sad is toatally subjective.. i have a friend who 10 1 would have a different view on what I have to say or experience. It brings me to the point of perspective, the ever slippery slope we crawl along the journey we call life, altering to suite our current view of the situation.. there are ppl who manage to alter this in the best and worst of situations.. how much of our happiness comes from within, from without, from wherever.. there is no knowing.. before i begin to preach .. let me stop there for a moment and digress to somethign more simple.. what i am not to sure .. but I think you few who read this might need it :-)
soemthing struck me recently about my .. note my, perceptions of friendship, human interactions and what I expect out of it. Suppose I have a very slanted view of life from within my echo-ey room within the mantle of my partially self inflicted seperation from the human race as most people experience it. I may be seen as being counter emotional and observant to the degree that it may appear that I am rude or disinterested.. these are things I can change through time.. I do, But at times I still fall deep into the well of self introspection and observation (yes the well where you get water out of). This pedastil or soemtimes pit, gives a me view on life that few understand or realte to. Why, you may ask, do I wallow into a moment of self pity. It is not on that aspect I would like to focus.. yes there are times i do pity my self for the life and lack of normal interaction with those around me.. but more often than not i find solace in the situation that I am in. There are times I am driven to interaction that I cannot really partake in.. why you may ask .. do i say this.. well it just is.. And i feel .. well i feel..

I think that after deep re-introspection i have decided to re think the way i evaluate my interactions with people and try at least to attempt to interact more with people at a conversational level. This may be a very wierd thing to say in this kind of way.. We all converse with people.. other than those who are obviously non conversational .. which i sometimes tend to be..
But i do feel that often a lot of my communicaiton with others is hindered by the way the way we perceive our environments and the audience we are with sensoring or enhancing certain aspects of the dialogue.. what is it that makes some of us socialy different and unable to communicate with people? is it becasue we think differently .. does this intimidate people? does this frighten people .. who is in the wrong.. the person who refuses to communciate back.. the person who refuses to communicate.. or is it peurely a missmatch of reference. Is it possible for all of us to communicate or is there a certain or massive level of social disparity that we cannot cross? is this the cross that we as people have to bare?

who knows .. this is only sometimes somthing we need to think about ..

Is it possible to live both within and without society or are we bound to one view of society? can we stand on the outside observing and partake in society without changing our perspective of it, can we get an unbiased view by standing on the outside looking in? who knows.. just something to think about /..

more aptly does it really make a difference to our happiness.. or sadness..

how much of our lives are driven by perspective or lack thereof? Is it better to have perspective or direction through this journey we call life or is it simpler to live blindly with either faith or experiental growth as driver.. not sure i can say which is better or worse..

all I know is that we are bound to these mortal coils we call life :-) just sounded like a nice few words to string together ..
our choices appear to be our rudders, but that all depends on our perspective of the direction we are going in.. how much of our lives are predestined, altered by society or driven from within? At times i must say that i believe that it is a combination of all of them.. at other times I believe that it is one or the other .. and other times I jsut dont have a damn clue .. but it doesnt mean that i can live without forever wondering about these inane ramblings on the flavour of my life ..

suppose it is as simple as different kinds of bread, we are all moulded and pushed into shapes and forms by the society around us.. the taste, texture and colour all changes over time.. sometimes the mostperfect recipe failes, sometimes it succeeds.. othertimes randomn combinations of events create the most amazing creations.. And more often than not the perspective of the situation allways creates the outcome.. even the best or worst bread can taste different depending on the acompanyments or toppings ..

who knows why our minds ramble this crap through our neurons .. who knows.. but all i know that I ramble along

on the perfect non indian pita experience

Recently the need for Pita was overwhelming, I was drawn and driven to make for myself family and friends, but as it would be the holidays where neigh and all purveyors of fine Ghee were closed... and not one of the Super or should i say sad markets had anything even vaguely containing a substitute for Ghee. this left me in a quandry, a curry had been made, albeit a soft one that children could imbibe. I had to make it..
not to even get me started on the imperialistic and oppresive nature of bulk super/quick markets that strip our society of its diversity and texture which we require as a means to an end.

the receipe follows:

flour -- enough to fill half way up your mixing bowl -- suppose about 3-4 cups or more
butter -- a lump
a dash of olive oil
a dash of powered cumin
a dash of salt that i forgot :-) added half way through
then BOILING water

mix till a pastely gewy mixture ensus.. MIX with a spoon
then slowly but surely kneeding .. with extra flour till the glue-ey texture disappears..

then break off 1 1/2 egg size lumps cover with flour .. prepare a surface with sprinkled flour and roll into mostly circular flat pankake like things..

then melt some butter add a little olive oil ..

paint the other side of the roti..

prepare the pan.. heavy cast iorn works well .. not to hot else it burns

oil/ butter in pan ..
pop in da roti and turn when small bubbles appear , turn twice again.. if they appear to dry paint with a little more oil ..

then put on plate covered with a lid to keep moist ..

cook for what seems hours to produce about 25 roti .. damn it takes long ..

reheat in micro before serving for about 45 seconds..


then tuck in..


you may ask why the Roti?
the roti is so awesome, perfect and malleable and yet so simple a metaphor for life.
complex chemical reactions out of simple ingredients. somehow the heat the oil/butter, flour and salt in the hot water seem to create fantastic polymers... the texture is so unlike bread, yet so awesome in taste. This would be the whole without the hole.. there are almot no holes in the whole. yet it is so wholesome? It is not even so heavy, unlike its light cousin the bread, which with holes can be heavy? somewhat of a paradox.
intructions to eat? eat it how you want, for some ethnic authenticity try breaking off pieces and scooping up the food with your hands and eating like that, it changes the perception and perspective of the food, completing the experience. often or not for us pigmentaly challenged individuals we are drawn to creating a wrap with salad and crap.. not to detract from the taste this tastes good, bu not the same.. the other paradoxical thing i have experienced with eating roti.. is that it is best eaten with stewy things with gue and gloop.. but dont forget the rice.. this adds te texture akin to life.


more another day.. just a moment of sharing

from your rambler in life..

on ataining success

After giving this a little thought, how do we measure success in life, this may be an old adage, a cliche. But this is a question we are all faced with from the beginning to the end. What defines happiness and success don't always seem to be synch. But i suppose they can be.

but my ramblings are more on the notion of being able to achieve things in timeframes that are realistic and meaningfull. I have begun an internal debate, yes I am a Gemini so I am entitled to have an internal debate ;-) but not to begin to sound like he secret we have to quote to nike -- just do it. but where do we draw the line between what is rationally possible.. and i have something t mention on that concept so park it in the back of your mind, and the that which is classically possible. Not to quote those like Lance or the others who are beyond extreme, what binds us to what we can do and achieve and what we should achieve. Or sould I rather say what is it that holds us back or chains us to the shackles of appathy? what creates that little fear within us? did frank herbet not say in dune that fear is the thing inside us that eats us up. It may not have been him who said it like that, but his rendition of the path that the young duke goes through sticks best in my mind. I suppose this time in all of our lives we are burdened with even more fear, loathing, panic, betrayal and downright insane panic about the state of the world and economics around us. Does this mean because we live in an atrificial construct that we should bow down to a system that has no relevance to our hapiness ( artificially it does) or our ability to achieve things, great and small. I have a belief that we can achieve things, it is only a measurement of the value and success that holds us back from achieving things in our daily life. It is possible as i have seen in some unamed friends and others who live by the lightning and take thought and action to a new level, thought drives action into directions we could never believe we are able to achieve, unless those of us held down by the panic and fear of failure success, rational panic( which I must say is a bad thing int he real of belief in our abilities to achieve that which we dream off...) how many of us live in realms of dark fear and loathing for our lives or the direction we beleave it has gone or the belief that if things had just been different ( plaese understand i do not proclude myself from this toungue lashing). the only thing is that things can be done in a baby steps way.. start small if you cannot go at all ... But there are people who dream big and go large. We all have this ability.

on other things and my dreams...

things that one of my new forced blog spam recipients will have to enlighten us about is contemporary anthropology .. think that si what it is called .. noting that this is only a second hand rendition of what it is about.

on status of our existence, how to emasure that.. wont even go there as this is not for now but later when i get a chance to wollow in self dispare .. not really as this is not something i like participating in.

On my current dreams and aspirations .. nothing new .. but it seems like i am able to now start on the project of a dream. we are now implimenting the initial phases of my hydro aquaponics scheme .. no I wont bore you to tears on this .. but put out a moe technical explanation of what i am going to achieve, but i believe this will hold the potential fo answering my question relating to the possibility of a household to be able to survive the impending world food crisis.

On another note completely i went to a scrap yard yesterday, this is a place of dreams. Do yourself the favour and go, get soemone to take you if you fear the unknown, but GO .. and see what treasures lie between the rubble .. things you will need to find your dream... but leave your wallet behind :-) cos it can be expensive ... or take it with and indulge .. this may or may not relate to all that manyn of you .. but use it dont use it (DJ F)...

but that is eough crap and rambling for the moment .. it ahs come to my notice that my blogging ghas at least been elavated to toilet reading for som people .. hey but that is at least a start .. :-)

a picture of my veggie garden

a picture of our organic veggie garden.. soon to be perma/aquaculture garden
it is a slow process but we will get there

a picture

another subtext

For all those on my spam list, I must admit I may have taken liberties in adding you to my list, please feel free to unsubscribe, by posting me an email and i will remove you from the email spam list.

on the society for the preservation of our minds and happiness

This is something we seldom think about, rather stressing away at the daily grind and the jobs we do, bringing me back to the old adage of work to live and not live to work. That si for those of us unfortunate enough to be able to partake in a form of employment that does not give us self fulfillment. It is an old enough challenge .. that is is in the current milieu or paradigm that we exist in, where life is no longer that which we live. In times gone past life was around different things, living, surviving. Our daily existence had more to do with life than an abstract representaiton of it. For the most of us, please exclude yourself if you do not feel this is aimed at You!! , we worry about the worrying and lessthan abstract nature of life and get caught up in the marketing contruct we call society. How many of you ever wonder .. I am sure you do.. that why am I doing this?
and this is not meant to wallow in dispare (cannot for the life of me spell that word), but to ather recap and rethink what it is that we call life, And No this is not meant as a seed for your midlife crisis, life is real and their are constraints relating tot he way you have lived your life so far and the way that you and circumstance has carved itsway through the watercourse of life. Accept that which is, change that which you can, strive to find happiness and inner peace through everythign you do. Sounds like a ripe lot of crap, but i believe it. It think, at least at this stage in my mind that it is possible to do this.

On a more abstract thought, somthing i will continue shortly , but household chores calll me away is to question what is the interaction and boundry between the conscious and subconsciousmind?

something different

I suppose the time for wallowing in the depth and darkness of the global recession or depression are over now. we now have to find ways to find ourselves post disaster, not that for most of you this was a real disaster. WE should view our lives with a little healthy introspection to view with happiness what we have, a roof over our heads, food on the table. But this does not eman we should give up the fight for life, our lives are even more important now. there is no time for wallowing in self pity, feeling down and sad. this is but a new begining that we should all have to go through. on the lighter side fuel costs are down by more than 30% and they are dropping .. wghat does that mean .. ROADTRIP...

How many of us are couped up in our abodes fearing the unknown. I suspect that now more than ever is a time for us to look introspectivly and not be depressed. It is a time to look inwards and seek meaning in that which is around us. I sat watching a really classical piece of film. a chinese kung foo movie. I had to listen to a piece 3 times. These heavily translated super energetic movies have value beyond the obvious. i watched a scene where two of the kung foo masters where drinking tea. The one was discussing the value of various kinds of tea and professing how certain teas are better than others and a and and. whereas the other mast responded that tea drinking is a mood and that the tea and the experience was more related to the mood of the person appreciating the tea and not the quality of the tea. .. I am masively editing this. go and watch fearless.. it is amazing for the one scene in the movie .. the rest is not as spiritual for me at least.

but to go back at least a week in thoughts......

I was noticing that the bulk of us have been gripped in a global panic and fear we are all suffering from insane fear and loathing for the future to come close to quoting that dude. But what in essence has changed in our lives other the fundimental basis of our economy, which we all knew was rotten to the core.. now it is just happened .... all of us as part time soothsayers all saw it comming.. no one ever foresaw the immensity and implications thereof. for thsoe ofus who have jobs, keep them and carry on for thsoe who have lost there jobs, tiems are hard, but in adversity we find ourselves. Often adversity is not a pleasant thing. But it does give us the space, or lack of space to see ourselves in a new context. It also gives us the opportunity to take life by the horns. yes it is difficult, but through adversity the highest level of innovation and invention comes from within us. Best we not sit on our laurels, because tomorrow could beworse, or better. But let us not wallow in the panic of today. Look forward and find a new tomorrow. Often life does not allow us the path we believed we would follow. Things are never as we wanted them. No matter how much we visualize theperfect secret like future.. this does not mean we must dispell our positive thoughts, but rather that we must aim forwards and find the rainbow.

deep in my bones the need for a serious raod trip to places i have but imagined has welled up again. there are places that we have never been to or seen that often define our personalities. On the whole most of us define ourselves on hopes we never really endevour to chase or even get to, and wallow in midlife crisis and never do anything about them. This does not mean we must depart from the reality of our existence. But if our existence is not what it should be then we must change it. But with the reality of the implications thereof... all garble and rambling i know. take heed dont take heed.. it is your life live it.. or as a firend of ours says .. go nike ... just do it :-)

more seemingly random rambling by me ....

enjoy the festive season.