happiness and sadness

please note this may contain disturbing scenes and carries a PG rating...

What defines these two sides of the coin, neurons rushing through our brain?
real events or stimuli?
Not that I think to little about it.. But what is it that changes these states.. Some I know insist it is chemical, others seem to think it is the mind, others even attribute it to a sense of knowing or acceptance of the universe through a portal of belief systems or participation in some form of activity. Not sure i can even begin to decipher what the secret is sic! :-)
But this is something we are all apparently inextricably consumed with. Does this relate to a sense of being or placement in the milieu we call living. what excuses do we make, what costs are there to our happiness.. when does the happiness out way the cost or the cost the happiness. I am not sure i can even begin to debate this, It is a catch 22 situation or atleast I have been told so or have heard so from the endless drone of those around me mumbling or talking about their lives, I am in no way judging or casting a stone but only making observations on the life I live.. you all know where the unsubscribe button is .. generally it is as simple as deleting the drivel in your email client or closing the page in your browser .. that is if any one takes the time to even read this .. I may as well be writing this in the sand waiting for the wind or the rain to move the words as fast as they were placed into the medium. dont get me wrong this is altruism at its best .. ten to one it is some form or reciprical altruism or something of the like .. maybe just like pissing into the snow. But I do ask my self this question on a daily basis .. what is it that keeps me or stops me from being happy.. and to get to the point of defining what is happy and what is sad is toatally subjective.. i have a friend who 10 1 would have a different view on what I have to say or experience. It brings me to the point of perspective, the ever slippery slope we crawl along the journey we call life, altering to suite our current view of the situation.. there are ppl who manage to alter this in the best and worst of situations.. how much of our happiness comes from within, from without, from wherever.. there is no knowing.. before i begin to preach .. let me stop there for a moment and digress to somethign more simple.. what i am not to sure .. but I think you few who read this might need it :-)
soemthing struck me recently about my .. note my, perceptions of friendship, human interactions and what I expect out of it. Suppose I have a very slanted view of life from within my echo-ey room within the mantle of my partially self inflicted seperation from the human race as most people experience it. I may be seen as being counter emotional and observant to the degree that it may appear that I am rude or disinterested.. these are things I can change through time.. I do, But at times I still fall deep into the well of self introspection and observation (yes the well where you get water out of). This pedastil or soemtimes pit, gives a me view on life that few understand or realte to. Why, you may ask, do I wallow into a moment of self pity. It is not on that aspect I would like to focus.. yes there are times i do pity my self for the life and lack of normal interaction with those around me.. but more often than not i find solace in the situation that I am in. There are times I am driven to interaction that I cannot really partake in.. why you may ask .. do i say this.. well it just is.. And i feel .. well i feel..

I think that after deep re-introspection i have decided to re think the way i evaluate my interactions with people and try at least to attempt to interact more with people at a conversational level. This may be a very wierd thing to say in this kind of way.. We all converse with people.. other than those who are obviously non conversational .. which i sometimes tend to be..
But i do feel that often a lot of my communicaiton with others is hindered by the way the way we perceive our environments and the audience we are with sensoring or enhancing certain aspects of the dialogue.. what is it that makes some of us socialy different and unable to communicate with people? is it becasue we think differently .. does this intimidate people? does this frighten people .. who is in the wrong.. the person who refuses to communciate back.. the person who refuses to communicate.. or is it peurely a missmatch of reference. Is it possible for all of us to communicate or is there a certain or massive level of social disparity that we cannot cross? is this the cross that we as people have to bare?

who knows .. this is only sometimes somthing we need to think about ..

Is it possible to live both within and without society or are we bound to one view of society? can we stand on the outside observing and partake in society without changing our perspective of it, can we get an unbiased view by standing on the outside looking in? who knows.. just something to think about /..

more aptly does it really make a difference to our happiness.. or sadness..

how much of our lives are driven by perspective or lack thereof? Is it better to have perspective or direction through this journey we call life or is it simpler to live blindly with either faith or experiental growth as driver.. not sure i can say which is better or worse..

all I know is that we are bound to these mortal coils we call life :-) just sounded like a nice few words to string together ..
our choices appear to be our rudders, but that all depends on our perspective of the direction we are going in.. how much of our lives are predestined, altered by society or driven from within? At times i must say that i believe that it is a combination of all of them.. at other times I believe that it is one or the other .. and other times I jsut dont have a damn clue .. but it doesnt mean that i can live without forever wondering about these inane ramblings on the flavour of my life ..

suppose it is as simple as different kinds of bread, we are all moulded and pushed into shapes and forms by the society around us.. the taste, texture and colour all changes over time.. sometimes the mostperfect recipe failes, sometimes it succeeds.. othertimes randomn combinations of events create the most amazing creations.. And more often than not the perspective of the situation allways creates the outcome.. even the best or worst bread can taste different depending on the acompanyments or toppings ..

who knows why our minds ramble this crap through our neurons .. who knows.. but all i know that I ramble along