I suspect it is not that I cannot see, but rather that what I wish to see is not there in the way I am wishing to see? Or that I cannot see it that way or it wasn't there to be seen in that way, or it is. How can it appear to be so different in moments apart . I was walking through the city over the last while serially observing and imaging everything I see almost as if I am on the lower edge of the bell curve, wondering around with a glazed outlook without emotion observing and snapping. Granted I am not void of emotion at all, it just at times seems to fruitless this wondering around the empty spaces. I have noticed the complex dichotomies and trichotomies and poliychotomies of existence in one moment in time. So many different people’s lives coinciding in one space at the same time with different experiences and motivations and outlooks. Yes much of this is painfully obvious to us all, this is the fabric of a non homogenous society and it is to be expected. This does not make it any less insane looking in from the outside, It is at this point in the paragraph that the absurdity of it all just tends to collapse the discussion into nothingness and nothingness is all that is left and all that remains is an empty void. The thought of the primitive photographs i mentioned previously still haunt my thoughts hourly.. I cannot decide and cannot confirm what it is that makes the images compelling, if the images themselves are amazing or is it the process behind the images, both in terms of physical destructive and deconstructive process or is it the naiveté of the images underneath the patina of the process? I find it strange when looking at the various people I see during the day, how in one point in time the complexity and diversity can overwhelm my experience of the moment.
I sometimes stare at other peoples photographs wondering what it is that makes them good? is it the action of the photographer, the action of the photographed or the emotion of the person in the moment? I am mostly excluding posed and created images which fall into the realm of technical wizardry which is not really where my fascination lies. At times it has nothing to do with the underlying quality but rather the tone and texture of the moment being captured. I suppose there are those which are technically better than others, but do they always capture the essence of the situation or not?
The deep forest, unlike the band by this name and the “donker bos by seeuleu leipoldt” is a place that fools the eye more than the camera, somehow the camera does not see what the eye sees or is it that the mind fills in the gaps dramatically. I am not sure it is possible to see the wood for the trees, after 3 sustained years I am seldom happy with the photographs of the forests.. It might be a lifetime challenge to be totally happy with tree pictures?
Like most things, i suspect it is the photographers prerogative to be selfish and show things the way they see it..unless they are being paid for it, or looking for favour or adulation or adoration, it maybe that which is lacking in the photos that I take, that i neither take them for my self with total selflessness nor do i bow to the general opinion of the masses of photographers around us. It might be that by putting my photos on flickr and other places i may be doing myself an injustice by bowing to general expectations, whereas before i did not? The alternative is of course to learn from those around us, but can we learn from those around us when we do not be like them, but want to be like ourselves? It all starts sounding a bit like the sound of a tree falling in a forest when there is no one to hear it happen. If we take photos and show no – one are they still good, or are they as good as they are? But i must admit, myself as a pure documenter I am different, i do not necessarily create, but rather re-capture what my eye sees in a way for me to remember what i saw, and sometimes see things that my eyes never saw? I cant say that i know? How certain are we that we are showing all aspects of our individuality and self or are we just shielding behind the facade of the cardboard cut out that is our persona. I know that the cardboard cut out can bold and brave looking, but it is a cardboard cut out, it holds off the rain and the sun and the wind for a while till the tattered brown insides start pealing out and getting blown away in the wind and rain. What remains is a mere shell. That all just sounds so flaky to me, but I suppose such is life.
We have to ask where the next adventure is lurking? is it inside the box in the cupboard at the back of the garage, is it on the saddle of my bicycle, is it lying in pieces on a table in the cave.
But I do realise i miss the research, it has over time become more and more difficult not to research almost everything i hear or read
I suppose i Do not need to know a little about everything.. But I suppose we are getting there, I have totally lost track of what i was thinking a moment back. Soon i will be able to hide my own easter eggs. But there is still a thread inside there, I was reading(no not reading, scanning over some new info i found due to listening to a pretty awesome science podcast series from ABC (no not the American one, rather the Aussie one.. Damn interesting, I lose my focus once again, there is a title of a book and some discussion around a dude in the states called Jim Carter, who is a “Lay” person and has come up with a new treatise of the world and its Physical behaviour, as per my Social media quip a while back I might just have t add this to my growing pile of books to read. I suppose after a lot of consideration it is the aberration and obscure and intrigue that interest me, it must have been the adventure books I read as a child? It is sometimes sad when we see how much we know about the world we live in, but at times there are sparks when i realise this is all from a specific perspective and that we actually still know very little about certain things. I think, stand aside from any weird explanations and theories that have limited substantiation there are still a whole lot of really amazing things we just do not know, amongst them are how the frig did they build the Pyramids and many other south American archaeological finds? Why did the Mammoth die out? Does the green spot actually happen, how amazing is a comet, how cool as the asteroids, the feeling of snow when you are not used to it. the sound of a thunderstorm, the smell of Ozone, red sand.. these are all amazing.. but at times it is sad not to be able to share them with others.. It might be through the photographs that there might be hope that through these images there might be a transference of that experience of the amazement I sometimes feel for seeing the most insanely amazing and sometimes simple things.. Enough of the yo-yo emotional rollercoaster that is our life. I suspect the next step is getting back to work and not doing this now during my tea break, but rather focussing on learning something new.
On a different note , it is almost time to setup the next to do list of items, this is an on going process. I suffered disappointment this weekend, I went to fetch water from a natural spring to start making beer with, but then returned to start reading through the beer brewing starter pack that I got from the shop.. and to my horror I realised it was so un-artisan that even after going around and around i could not convince my self to make it.. it will have to wait till next weekend when i can get some real malt and ingredients, screw trying to do the safe option and do the starter kit, i have never done something like that before, it is all in.. and yes there are generally failures associated with this approach as there have been with the breads and food, but there have been moments of genius. It is not the re-creation of something existing that I want, but to rather experience that which is nature and man combining at its best and experience something mroe akin to the essene loaf in terms of beer.. yes i will bump my head but that is what is expected..
Sometimes like i spoke about it before, when you start overthinking things you cannot do them.. typing on the keyboard is a little like that today .. just cannot type it is as if the kb is not in front of me and i am reverting to 2 finger typing…
well this is really to much crap and rambling.. way more than enough for 2 days..
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