1600 words and the spitefull god

I realised today that the ^a god is a spiteful god, here, Today in godzOwn or as the rest of you know it Aotearoa, interestingly I never knew that it had been labelled such for almost a 100 years.. we learn something new every day. Last bit if trivia is that it can be attributed to Thomas Bracken through a Poem he wrote. Just writing this diveri-forms the thoughts in my brain. You may ask what diveriforming is, well it is a word i made up by combining the General term for certain plants here in NZ and in many other countries where the plants are seen as Diveriform, or having very knotted and messy hair not unlike dreadlocks or my hair if i don't keep it cut really short, or alternatively my beard. Back to the spiteful god, if Logic abides as above where we are in Gods own land and it is spring it is a frigin spitting and rainy spiteful spring day, which follows on a weekend that would toast your marshmallows? Key to multi-questioning thing above drives me towards the question of HES and his book, his handwritten book done by his hand using his Mont Blanc pen? Has it started? How far along the way is this book? after listening to the podcast a few days back about Tom wolf, one point that struck me and reminded me about HES was the notion of handwriting a book, tom wolf choses to handwrite the book mainly because he cannot get spare parts for his typewriters. I suspect it has to do with some form of haptic feedback. you may question, why the sullen pic of me staring at the camera in apparent disdain? multiple reasons abound, one to show the wonderful spiteful vista behind me, partially obscuring the wonders that abound in that which is so quaintly called the inlet. Further in the distance is the Plimerton vista and marina where I often fish, deep in the foreground is the beard, which grants warmth and other social interactions. Interestingly as part of a my current social exercises I have noticed that a beard does change the way people look at you, and no (and yes the comma and the and) it does not hide you in society nor give you a facade to hide behind. In contrast it actually makes you more visible, I am not sure at what length it again begins to hide you. It is a strange thing a beard, it feels almost alien and not part of me, this is especially at its current length which is way longer than before., or maybe not as long as it was when I got married for example?

Thanks goodness, I managed to finish the space next to my beard and fill it with words, mostly meaningless words. On to the next thought for the day? I was attempting to brew at home last night in the week after work, one should not attempt to much in such a short time, this in between bottling the children’s home made ginger beer in between the pumkie’s book club meeting at home last night.  Id decided i would do a fruit~ish beer, but this all turned to proverbial pie.. the blender broker during me grinding the grains, i could not find a way to grind, half way through the mash, i then found the boysenberries were not boysenberries and were black currents.. Then i miscalculated the amounts needed for a good starting SG, then the temperature would not drop in the fermenter till the next morning.. what a mission. But we tossed the Yeast in this morning, lets hope it grows, I now have a few more days to work out what I can do for the secondary ferment and need to get a little more industrial in my attempts and methods in dealing with some of the technical challenges. I then remember we need to also supply a corn bread for our meeting with the pilgrims in the new land where we will give thanks for what we have. Oh and the other reason for the photo of me, is t avert my self consciousness's.

I was rather enthralled yesterday, I came across a  Google meetup with some photographers about inspiration and what drives it and what to do in lulls, amongst them was  Lotus Carrol  of I am Lotus fame. It is interesting to see the person in “virtual flesh after following them on flickr for a couple or more years seeing how they developed from something on the edge of obscurity to a mega social media success? One of the interesting things was how each of them had similar yet quite different drivers for their inspiration and each of them did have some overlap. One of the drivers in the most successful people was to do what they wanted, and the others were driven a lot more by perfection and their search for perfection, and in certain cases it was a drive for expression. A lot seems to depend on what you take photos of and why you take them? I suspect a lot depends on what you aim with your photography or your art, is it an expression or is it a capitalistic venture, each of them has different biases.

sometimes I stare up at the clouds and they look so plain at other times they look fantastical,strange same place similar clouds, more or less colour and scale.

we cant really know how we will feel the next day, unless we make the effort to be that person to have that outlook and be happy and smell the rain in the clouds, hear the birds chirping above the roar of the icy sub Antarctic gale blowing and chilling you to the bone, it can either stop you there and then in your steps and cut you down as if it were a scythe or it can inflate you with crystalline clarity.. bla bla sometimes the lyrical can run away a little. but there you go, be positive don’t see the crap in it, well that is what i try to tell my self I may be fooling myself but I try. there always seems to be some colour in the grey.. well some days.

Sometimes you see life zooming past you, today is the beginning of the year, soon it is Christmas, but it continues and changes and life runs at a million miles an hour, nothing we do can stop it soon it will be the end of the year and not long after that it will be a new year again. The seasons are more  apparent here and eventhough they blend into one long season of discontent and weather at least it lets you know that there are forces way greater than you all around you at every turn.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Maybe we would all feel better if we had a flower like the little prince? I have a few in my garden, but they are being eaten by the snails? I wonder do you think the Little prince had to worry about snails? I am not sure,but i do love clouds, and Tiete had to throw that in, recently I was listening to some Tim Minchin clips on youtube, and amongst them he ahs a song where he is rather serious and intersperses this with man i love Boobs.. this reminded me of a friend who had a similar Mantra in south africa in our old life. I then question sometimes if Tim Minchin is as he seems? Is he erudite and clever or is it a cleverly constructed dialogue? Either way I enjoy the outcome of some of his diatribes and rants, somehow the word fountain is slowly drying up today? i have my doubts if I will reach the allocated number of words before i have to rush off again to the next meeting at a customer?

and the words stopped,

It is all feeling rather contrived

Sometimes when you say the same word over and over and over again, either you cannot pronounce it correctly or it starts sounding more and more insane and less and less like a word, sometimes taking photographs or doing certain things begin to give me a similar experience. It is not the the task of the photograph lose their intrinsic value, or even lose value to others, it just seems like I cannot see the proverbial bush for the trees, even the simple looks complex and the complex looks impossible, I cannot see no more..
I suspect it is not that I cannot see, but rather that what I wish to see is not there in the way I am wishing to see? Or that I cannot see it that way or it wasn't there to be seen in that way, or it is. How can it appear to be so different in moments apart . I was walking through the city over the last while serially observing and imaging everything I see almost as if I am on the lower edge of the bell curve, wondering around with a glazed outlook without emotion observing and snapping. Granted I am not void of emotion at all, it just at times seems to fruitless this wondering around the empty spaces. I have noticed the complex dichotomies and trichotomies and poliychotomies of existence in one moment in time.  So many different people’s lives coinciding in one space at the same time with different experiences and motivations and outlooks. Yes much of this is painfully obvious to us all, this is the fabric of a non homogenous society and it is to be expected. This does not make it any less insane looking in from the outside, It is at this point in the paragraph that the absurdity of it all just tends to collapse the discussion into nothingness and nothingness is all that is left and all that remains is an empty void. The thought of the primitive photographs i mentioned previously still haunt my thoughts  hourly.. I cannot decide and cannot confirm what it is that makes the images compelling, if the images themselves are amazing or is it the  process behind the images, both in terms of physical destructive and deconstructive process or is it the naiveté of the images underneath  the patina of the process?
I find it strange when looking at the various people I see during the day, how in one point in time the complexity and diversity can overwhelm my experience of the moment.
 
I sometimes stare at other peoples photographs wondering what it is that makes them good? is it the action of the photographer, the action of the photographed or the emotion of the person in the moment? I am mostly excluding posed and created images which fall into the realm of technical wizardry which is not really where my fascination lies. At times it has nothing to do with the underlying quality but rather the tone and texture of the moment being captured. I suppose there are those which are technically better than others, but do they always capture the essence of the situation or not? 
The deep forest, unlike the band by this name and the “donker bos by seeuleu leipoldt” is a place that fools the eye more than the camera, somehow the camera does not see what the eye sees or is it that the mind fills in the gaps dramatically.  I am not sure it is possible to see the wood for the trees, after 3 sustained years I am seldom happy with the photographs of the forests.. It might be a lifetime challenge to be totally happy with tree pictures?

Like most things, i suspect it is the photographers prerogative to be selfish and show things the way they see it..unless they are being paid for it, or looking for favour or adulation or adoration, it maybe that which is lacking in the photos that I take, that i neither take them for my self with total selflessness nor do i bow to the general opinion of the masses of photographers around us. It might be that by putting my photos on flickr and other places i may be doing myself an injustice by bowing to general expectations, whereas before i did not? The alternative is of course to learn from those around us, but can we learn from those around us when we do not be like them, but want to be like ourselves? It all starts sounding a bit like the sound of a tree falling in a forest when there is no one to hear it happen. If we take photos and show no – one are they still good, or are they as good as they are?  But i must admit, myself as a pure documenter I am different, i do not necessarily create, but rather re-capture what my eye sees in a way for me to remember what i saw, and sometimes see things that my eyes never saw? I cant say that i know? How certain are we that we are showing all aspects of our individuality and self or are we just shielding behind the facade of the cardboard cut out that is our persona. I know that the cardboard cut out can bold and brave looking, but it is a cardboard cut out, it holds off the rain and the sun and the wind for a while till the tattered brown insides start pealing out and getting blown away in the wind and rain. What remains is a mere shell.  That all just sounds so flaky to me, but I suppose such is life.
We have to ask where the next adventure is lurking? is it inside the box in the cupboard at the back of the garage, is it on the saddle of my bicycle, is it lying in pieces on a table in the cave.
But I do realise i miss the research, it has over time become more and more difficult not to research almost everything i hear or read   I suppose i Do not need to know a little about everything.. But I suppose we are getting there, I have totally lost track of what i was thinking a moment back. Soon i will be able to hide my own easter eggs. But there is still a thread inside there, I was reading(no not reading, scanning over some new info i found due to listening to a pretty awesome science podcast series from ABC (no not the American one, rather the Aussie one.. Damn interesting, I lose my focus once again, there is a title of a book and some discussion around a dude in the states called Jim Carter, who is a “Lay” person and has come up with a new treatise of the world and its Physical behaviour, as per my Social media quip a while back I might just have t add this to my growing pile of books to read.  I suppose after a lot of consideration it is the aberration and obscure and intrigue that interest me, it must have been the adventure books I read as a child? It is sometimes sad when we see how much we know about the world we live in, but at times there are sparks when i realise this is all from a specific perspective and that we actually still know very little about certain things. I think, stand aside from any weird explanations and theories that have limited substantiation there are still a whole lot of really amazing things we just do not know, amongst them are how the frig did they build the Pyramids and many other south American archaeological finds? Why did the Mammoth die out? Does the green spot actually happen, how amazing is a comet, how cool as the asteroids, the feeling of snow when you are not used to it. the sound of a thunderstorm, the smell of Ozone, red sand.. these are all amazing.. but at times it is sad not to be able to share them with others.. It might be through the photographs that there might be hope that through these images there might be a transference of that experience of the amazement I sometimes feel for seeing the most insanely amazing and sometimes simple things..  Enough of the yo-yo emotional rollercoaster that is our life.
I suspect the next step is getting back to work and not doing this now during my tea break, but rather focussing on learning something new.
On a different note , it is almost time to setup the next to do list of items, this is an on going process. I suffered disappointment this weekend, I went to fetch water from a natural spring to start making beer with, but then returned to start reading through the beer brewing starter pack that I got from the shop.. and to my horror I realised it was so un-artisan that even after going around and around i could not convince my self to make it.. it will have to wait till next weekend when i can get some real malt and ingredients, screw trying to do the safe option and do the starter kit, i have never done something like that before, it is all in.. and yes there are generally failures associated with this approach as there have been with the breads and food, but there have been moments of genius. It is not the re-creation of something existing that I want, but to rather experience that which is nature and man combining at its best and experience something mroe akin to the essene loaf in terms of beer.. yes i will bump my head but  that is what is expected..
Sometimes like i spoke about it before, when you start overthinking things you cannot do them.. typing on the keyboard is a little like that today .. just cannot type it is as if the kb is not in front of me and i am reverting to 2 finger typing…
well this is really to much crap and rambling.. way more than enough for 2 days..