on the significance of f stuff

A flash from the recent or slightly longer than recent

I wrote this piece about 2-3 weeks ago and am debating if i will publish it?

< and yes am still wondering a few months later....
and pondering about some of the content
and waited and procrastinated >

And damn it is sentimental and out of my character, those who know will know that my mind took a holiday on its own .. left me to deal with reality and it sucks.. this was somewhere in the middle of all of it.

<>

Over time I have wondered what constitutes a friend and how do we measure them or should we even?
and how serious we take the little things in life?
that is being at a cross road in my life ..no dont panic .. not like that or like that or like that ..

< << just got me thinking again about things and stuff..
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keep in mind that this was written well in the past just something .. that switched or should i say snapped in the fabric of my reality, maybe i should have gone through the purple veil and seen whats was on the other side... no not now.. then when i had chance how often do we have the chance to view the other side of the veil, for those who do not know what the purple curtain is you will have to ask?

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back to, yet only briefly. I would like to thank those, I will not mention you in person, but out there for being friends.. Even though at times I assume that my aloofness and insanity drives people to absolute distraction :-? But honestly thanks to those which have made a difference.. even though most of you would not know when or why, that is in relation to my apparent ability to only communicate in gorilla speak




.. But how do we evaluate and or relate to our interactions with others and what value do the have to our lives, and even scarier for me is what influence or impact do i have on others lives?

<>

Now there is a horror thought at this point in the day. But enough of this sentimental crap down the nuts and bolts of our existence and the entry into the or through the purple curtain of existential existence onto the other side of our existence, and no this is not in all cases a spiritual venture into another realm, it could be it could well be a view into a micky dee's for all i know. what stands behind the curtain I personally have only had glimpses of the other side, more often than not through observation of others and situations and life it self. Is there in essence another side to life that we are not aware off, yes there is always another side, another way at looking at things .. but is it there? What is there standing waiting behind the curtains that hold the fabric of life and time together? Something, nothing the boogey man? It is there something we seek, something a lot of us seen in glimpses, visions of our mortality and life. how do we not pigeon hole our lives, I should have said Whole .. for more obvious reasons.. as this is the extent to which we constrain our lives, No please do not for a moment think that we shall all abondon that we we know and rush headlong into the throws of anarchism. But there is something else to all of our lives that remains hidden or constrained behind the rigours of the jail we create within ourselves to protect ourselves from the impacts of our daily existence. Things to strive for that we more oft or not put to the side because we are absorbed, consumed and paralyzed by the life we live for our selves, note you were expecting me to say create.. no we do not create our lives at best we surf on the frenetic catastrophic wave of stochasticsm that we call life, pretending to be in control of the small and bigger things, when we are such small players, well most of us in the path of the world, our lives and the universe. Yes there are those who quote the butterfly flapping its wings .. dman the sprinkler is on .. back in a flash .. yes the garden is now soaked.. i am sure to lose what iw as trying to ramble on about .. byt WTF oh well it took a few days to get back to this.. exactly a few to be exact .. once again thanks to those who matter it has been a trying time for me at a number of levels .. there have been challenges to my daily life, my mental state, missing loved ones and in general a wake up call in terms of what is important to me.. geez please stop me if i start sounding like oprah or dipak at worst .. but we do have to learn how to appreciate what we have and .. Myself have allowed myself to become obsessed in the dark recesses of my mind... and boy did i travel, which is both good and bad for me and those who know me, but at times i think we all need to go and investigate those places inside our minds, the outcome may not allways be positive, but it is part of what and who we are and it is things we need to deal with at some point.. and boy it tends to be traumatic for all thsoe involved or not involved :) some thanks from a long time ago firstly and foremost .. thanks for the flowers even if it appears that I am aloof I appreciate the gesture tremendously.. and the minimal time that you had available... and for the recipient of my insane emails .. thank you for being understanding .. yes this me me .. at my most confused .. well it was and of course thanks for putting up with all the crap at that point .. it was painfull for all involved at whatever level you were exposed. don't expect it in reality unfortunately my makeup does not allow for that form of social gesturing and those who have endured my endless messenging .. and then for those who only answer on the odd blog I appreciate it all.. But where this actually leads to I have no idea ..

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This is just another day in all of your lives .. this will be a fleeing moment in Text on a screen.. oh then also to my wife for worrying herself silly over the sms's I appreciate it ..

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If only i could be better at expression on a personal/ interpersonal level .. and yes to you .. the other persons/people appologies about the glib and senseless comments as to your midnight smsing to people .. we all have our crutches/crosses to bare ..:-) ROTFL .. we all do .. we have all had these moments in our lives.. ................ well it still needs to be told and appreciated in context. think back to more sensefull stuff that is in context to the way my mind works or appears to work .. I would strongly recomend two movies to watch for diametrically opposite reasons .. the one being black cat white cat .. AWESOME .. and then thanks To IJ for telling me that Watchmen is good to watch .. read the reviews .. was not exited. .. DAMN that is a Kewl comic move .. yes it is gruesome ... but watch it .. is real and raw .. but more back to some things I was thinking about a little while ago ... no the thoughts wont stop just a slight perspective shift ... but for now there is a chicken in the oven .. and food needed for hungry kids .. maybe i post tonight .. maybe not .. we will all have to wait and see .. ok done ..lost that thread .. will have to think a little more .. .. later on something else .. i have done the unspeakable .. i joined twitter .. the home of twits .. for work purposes no less .. But have been following lance of TDF .. interesting either an interesting dude or an amazing marketing machine? more in a while sorry this one is going to take long ... very long to finish back again .. only a handful of words to add.. so go forth and experience the world in its full glory for tomorrow things will be different.. <>

no i decided it is no good to retract anything I say ..cos thats life .. and either u knew or the randomness is just additive ...

more later .. this will be long and drawn out....

this is merely a glimpse of something that ran through my brain, in context out of context. I dont believe that we should ever let ourselves be consumed by society and our existence to any level that is detrimental to ourselves and those around us. Keeping in mind that this blog you have read is entirely disconnected pieces and flashes of moments and contains certain things said and the gaps in between portray much more that was not said and much that should have been said and told to others with or without qualification ( the qualification i speak of here encompasses almost all of the meanings u find in a dictionary)


now to re-read for a change and decide if this needs more qualification or less.. and if i will publish some of this or replace it with dots?

more on this subject later

<<< on some other unrelated things:

i must admit that i must partially retract something i said about gps's and slightly relating to google earth.. Google earth is an anomoly in this whole train of thought, on the one hand it demystifies a lot of the planet .. for example go and look at the nacza lines in south america.. something u would never be able to without this tool .. other than in pictures on websites or books .. but in other cases it takes the adventure away from us .. but it does make other things more accessible like looking for micro sand patches for tiger beetles .. but i must admit in some cases this humanizes our planet far to much .. it takes away the "dragons be there" imagination from us.. dunno will have to rethink this one.. maybe there are places we should not see .. and only stumble accross .. but it is to later to debate that now retrospectivly??? maybe i am only short sighted about GPS's but not sure about it?

and lastly for this tirade ... something more to contradict something i ahve said previously .. is what is the nature of the urban cowboy?are they real cowboys in a different paradigm? or are they a elevation of another archetype? This could be seen as a form of social evolution or devolution .. not sure .. the william gibsons and compatriots wrote them into folklore with the cyberpunk genre.. this may all be part of the new human ..
the cyborg or more accurately virtual cyborg with virtual links between keyboard and brain and mobile device? is that all that we are devolving into?
but who am i to comment on this commenting through some of the associated media .. this is all to convoluted and disturbing at far to many levels ;) ><>>